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Dialogue Room

Christmas 2015

See our Christmas greeting at Bill's Corner. 
Real poetry for real Christmas, even if a
paler shade of green. 


Here is a soundtrack for Chapter Two, Cast Away


Chapter Two

Here is part (loosely edited) of Chapter Two. This is becoming even more a book of a different quill. (click on picture for pdf) 
updated 12/8/15

Better late than never

My post on

       €"The past is not dead, it is not even past". I keep reliving that precept today, which relates to my experience of having a judge ask me at age twelve if I wanted to be adopted by the Andersens or go to a boy'™s home. (I was a black-market placement with them as an infant.) It seemed a simple issue of security back then. Today I cannot stop dramatizing it as a choice between disingenuous in heaven or reality in hell.  
         I chose heaven back then and ended with empty. Fortunately the past is not dead yet, and I get a chance today to choose reality. But, as expected, hell follows with it--”just look at the content of this post. Pain, loss, suffering and stress exists in hell, but so does hope. Empty, however, leads nowhere. Purpose and hope might be as good as it gets, even in hell. 

The take home message here is to pay cash for your hope. Do not buy it on credit. 

So off I go to do real--and fend off the bats. 

Coming Home

Coming Home is now a completed work. I shall post this notice and then move on. This is not a brief work, nor is it conceptually easy. But rather than apologize for these factors, I shall simply quote Baruch Spinoza: "All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare." 

In quoting Spinoza I appreciate that I face hubris from one perspective, yet lack of responsibility from another. Responsibility wins.   

                                                        The book is just a click away. 

New Stuff

Anatomy of an even newer book. Click on wagon wheel. (updated 11/25/15)

MacArthur park

"MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!"

This  new book is my MacArthur Park. Jimmy Webb, the author of the song had trouble getting it published (not so here), and after publication it was voted in some circles as “worst lyrics” “worst song ever” (possible here). I do not expect accolades for my work, but it is mine and I have come to cherish both its eccentricities and truth. This will be my major public contribution, such as it is, to the universe. 

Here are the proofs from the printer for the final work. Use the two page view, if possible, to get the actual effect. 
                                                              Click on picture for pdf.  


It is one thing to read a book, another to read a page. In readying the book for publication I added a page to the chapter on therapy. It sums up my 40 years of experience, mostly with PTSD. Here is a post-traumatic stress disorder primer in one easy lesson. 

"In Reflection: This reflection comes about three years after the original text, as the book is readying for press. What I thought was extraneous, the therapy at work, proved to be merely a part of the central issue, subjectivity. Nothing has changed about my views
of therapy, although I noticed the difficulty we had in describing our group orientation. No description is going to work for “orientation” because the very concept implies a focus when the problem lies in the whole. Good therapy employs all the orientations, and everything else as well. At that point it becomes closer to life than to therapy.

Trust has been broken in PTSD and it is not coming back. Therapy cannot fix permanent. The term is typically conceived as making repairs to get back to the original. But we will never forget a trauma sufficient to cause post-traumatic stress disorder. Looking away is the last thing you want to do. Facing it is the only thing that works. The door of the dragon has been opened and it can never again be closed. 

Therapy can point out the dragon, suggest avenues to deal with it, but the real action comes in living. PTSD is a disconnect between stress and resistance. The individual is overwhelmed. The dragon (unexpected danger) runs free, disrupting all other activity. But one can build up resistance. That does not occur merely with thinking. It requires action. The dragon needs a leash. This can be done. The dragon can be contained. It can perhaps even become a friend. But that is going to happen in life, not in an office, and with actions in the real world, not by doing homework."

                                        (click on he picture for pdf of the two pages.) 

Finished Book

We have a finished book, perhaps three years in the making. It might corner the market for this type of book, if there was such a market.  At the risk of appearing pretentious, I still must say that this book might be important. Perhaps vanity is less of a danger than not speaking one's truth. 

                                                       Click on photo for pdf  of book 


I am doing final preparation on Coming Home, and have just finished sections on George Berkeley and Gilbert Ryle. This is as good as I can do, and if I must say, I have seen worse. Click on the picture below for pages 106-191 of the middle book of the trilogy. These sections can stand on their own. 

All the Difference

Hometown heroes are frequently reunited at sports events today. At halftime of a St. Louis Rams game a cheerleader was surprised by the return of her soldier husband from the Middle East. God country and apple pie. Can it get any better than a young man returning from preserving our freedom to a wife supporting our spirits? Well, yes it can. 

It is quite one thing when such support springs from the heart. But that does not seem to be the case here. The Department of Defense pays sports teams for these reunions. It helps recruiting. Adding our tax dollars or Federal Reserve inflation to the story diminishes its value. (And yes, we have inflation. The monetary authorities just cannot direct where it goes. Inflation is commonly defined as an increase in consumer prices, but today that is only in the offing. At present, because of zero interest rates, the money goes into the stock market and into the reserve currencies of the entire world. When the world tires of our assets, the chickens will come home to roost.) But that is a different story for a different day. Today, the point is that a message from the heart mixes poorly with the incentive for profit. The community did not sponsor this event; government did.  

Our local newspaper has a beautiful picture of the reunion, showing a full stadium, a handsome soldier, a beautiful cheerleader, bright lights, and fancy cameras. But this reunion should be an end, not a means. That distinction does not just make a difference; it makes all the difference. And this is not just about philosophy. It is about life. 

I would show you the picture from the paper but am not sure who owns it. If a lawsuit would get tried in Federal Court guess who would win. So instead, here is a picture outside another stadium. Creativity under duress. 


The second book in my trilogy is dressing up to go to press, or wherever books go these days to meet the public. Requiem set the stage for the second book, Coming Home offers a road map to the future, and Resonance will chronicle the actual journey. 

Coming Home has been several years in the writing. I hate to go back and review my work, fearing innumerable grammatical errors, or worse, that it has killed itself in contradiction. Visiting the work done perhaps three years ago now, I am pleasantly surprised. I say this not to toot any horn, but because we are after subjective truth, and that is quite what this is. My reaction is something like “whoever wrote this stuff, it is pretty good!”

So as the reticence hopefully recedes I shall continue to make ready for the dance. We now have 107 pages all dressed up. If I attend to this review it can move along pretty quick, but there is no rush. Coming Home needs a nice summary in the final chapter. That will take us to 650 pages. This effort transformed itself in the process, ending up essentially following William Ernest Hocking as our guide to just about everything the world has to offer. He is that good. Or at least subjectively that is my reality. But, paradoxically, subjectivity is quite our method. And I grew up around this conflict, so this is not just academic. The world is more than input; output counts quite as much. So that Hocking is my favorite philosopher puts real points on the official scoreboard. Good for our side! 

Click on the finished cover, and read the cover as a pdf (we waste no space). And the next 107 pages are also dressed up for the dance. (first song: Emmylou, by First Aid Kit)

About our rights

“Social media” is an oxymoron, at least for me. “Antisocial media” would describe it better—it is comprised largely of fits and epithets. And it is hardly media. Little useful information is provided. A heap of soap boxes is more descriptive. 

Nevertheless, I wanted to respond to an article on Facebook  but could not get my comment to post. So I am putting it on this site. It is about human rights. Human rights are not Christmas presents, and here are three other comments about them: 

1. For every right we receive we incur a responsibility. What others have to grant to us; we must reciprocate to them. No free lunch here. 
2. We have inalienable rights granted to us in the Constitution, but they are funded in God, and if no God, then no rights. 
3. Rights are only good when the sun is shining. Everyone can write insurance policies if no one ever needs them. When the going gets tough, the tough get going—away. 

Here is what I waned to say. It is about adoption, my native tongue, and the post I was addressing listed a bunch of things that adoptees  ought to have as rights from their significant others. I did not disagree with the list, but only with the “rights” part. I wrote: 

“To say that I deserve some approach to my adoption appears to insert a value judgement onto the part of another. The other, too, deserves to feel whatever he or she feels, even if that includes that he or she feels we claim too many "rights". But I will cut all meaningful relationships with anyone who disparages my reality. That is easy enough to do once we realize its importance and can pack our own lunch. However, unfortunately, doing so leaves precious few relationships. The world does not see adoption as win/win. It is a wrong side of the tracks issue to them. And packing our own lunch might leave precious little to share with conventional appetites. But it opens the door for innovation. 

We have no rights that we do not secure for ourselves. Everything dependent on others hinges on the direction of the wind. This is not just about securing food, shelter, and internet apps. It is about conceptual issues as well: beliefs, purpose, the nature of the universe, and our place in it. These are the basics of life; only you can protect them. And only you can give them away." 

(Sorry but this is so central to my experience right now.) 


Royce was providing my current reading, the teacher of Hocking, the two of whom are considered the last American Idealists. I do not know quite what the “American” part means, as there seem to be so many variations, but I get that Idealism means matter is a product of spirit, rather than the other way around. Royce fit nicely into my current understanding, and I was sailing through the fifth of his major six works. He can be like Kant, which is almost insufferable, but as the topics vary so does his intelligibility. When he heads to logic and mathematics, I do blank—but determined. 

Anyway, I simply will not follow him in two conceptions. If he tries to substitute community for God, then I bail. And when he thinks we can teach loyalty socially, rather than find it having evolved intrinsically, I simply trump him with my more extensive training. He was not a psychiatrist, and will not win a tussle about psychodynamics, unless he is creating them anew. 

So I retreated a bit from feeling I will ever transcend Hocking as a guide, and that is fine. But the unfinished book is almost all derived from Hocking, and revisiting took me back to what have become the basics. It is good to return to the blocking and tackling, rather than focusing on seven deep-blue passes on three. I can do both, work on the new, and review the not quite new. I am dressing up Quantum Psychology to make it ready for the dance. It is not just spell check and grammar; what I want to do it keep it as up to date as possible before publication. So I am inserting little commentaries at section changes to add something from today. Here is the latest.  (page 71) 

The picture is not just for effect. I am aware you cannot read the words. But it is both words and effect, which you can see my clicking on the page for a pdf. 


Book Cover Rules

This website is essentially about books. Requiem started the train, Quantum Psychology followed, and now we head to Resonance—with Quantum Psychology not even yet finished. But all that is needed there are a few summary pages at the end, and some editing throughout, along with a few contemporary comments thrown in as it concludes. 
I have jumped forward to the new work because it fits my personal quest better. The whole series is a trek, first to understand society, then to understand psychology, and finally to understand reality—i.e., a useful and complete thesis about the nature of the world and our place in it. Essentially, I have gone from materialist to spiritualist (Idealist) and in the process conceive God as the cornerstone of everything. 

But this is not our father’s God. A new understanding is required. Truth does have its consequences. Quantum Psychology evolved as it progressed and ended up with its touchstone, William Hocking’s, The Meaning of God in Human Experience. Everything we need to know about living perhaps can be found in that book. But this is not just multiplication tables. Memory alone is of minimal help. Knowledge has to become real, a part of experience, and that means that we leave the blackboard and get out on the field. Resonance is about doing exactly that, but it has its corollaries. They entail a new psychology, not as a parallel energy field or an epiphenomenon of little baby particle-minds, but as an awareness of the logistics of thought, i.e. looking at what we look with rather than what we look at. We know God by appreciation, not perception. 

And we need a new metaphysics. Materialism has run its course. It has its place, but not at the center of the table. We cannot find purpose in multiverses or god-particles, and without purpose we collapse. Intuition screams there is danger ahead. We better listen. Science is not God. 

If this sounds like a big endeavor, it is. But if it needs to be done and the finger of responsibility points in one’s  direction, then I guess that settles it. Time is running— last time I checked.  

Here is today’s version of the new cover. Getting a cover is like signing a contract; it forms an obligation to actually write the book. Yikes! Perhaps you cannot judge a book by its cover, but if you make a cover you have to write the book. 

The Poem on the cover: 

                      I walked a mile with Pleasure;
                         She chatted all the way;
                         But left me none the wiser
                         For all she had to say.

                         I walked a mile with Sorrow;
                         And ne’er a word said she;
                         But, oh! The things I learned from her,
                         When Sorrow walked with me.
                                         —Robert Browning

Facebook Post

I am not a big fan of Facebook, although it does spread the news. But I made the following post, which follows the presumption that people put up there what they think matters. 

On Facebook: 

"Sorry about the repetition. I am trying to learn to speak Facebook, but apparently remain essentially illiterate. The following video is a four minute music video that attempts to capture the experience of returning from war. It is not a therapy. Actually, the word "therapy" is the kiss of death to improvement. Therapy attempts to reconstitute the original. We can do that for a broken leg; legs do not remember. But PTSD is about broken trust, and memory is forever. One cannot fix permanent. Reconciliation or atonement works, but only by stepping beyond the broken into something of greater value. Look up, not down, for meaning and purpose.

Oh, and look above for the video."

**Actually, here we have to look down for the video, since my website provider is having problems connecting to Youtube. Or you could copy/paste for the final, higher resolution video

Air Pressure

We have a bit of a problem in the United States with one of our sports, American football. The game itself has a problem, but that is another story. At issue here is what it reflects of our society. Tom Brady, the poster boy for the game, plays for the New England Patriots, the most successful franchise recently in the game. They cheat. Everyone knows and sees that now. The focus at present is on the player, but it should not be. A shocking piece of information came out yesterday that Brady destroyed his cell phone so the league could not access relevant information. Why did he do that? Is Brady the only bad apple here? Certainly not. He most likely destroyed the cell phone because it implicated higher ups (if that is possible, considering Brady is seen by many as our greatest living citizen.) The coach is a spokesman for arrogance, and the owner is not far behind, or even ahead. Brady is protecting the whole lot, not just himself. That is no excuse, but nether should he be the fall guy. At fault is the whole team, perhaps even the city. 

“Just win baby” used to be the mantra of the Oakland Raiders, the west coast bad boys; now the Patriots express it. Quite simply, if integrity is sacrificed for gain, then society suffers. The liver can only steal so much blood from the pancreas before the whole body suffers. Win at all cost entails self destruction. We survive only as a society, which needs to have some semblance of trust in order to run effectively, if at all. That football has now become antisocial is alarming. But a four game suspension is not going to fix anything. If everyone thinks individual, whereas we survive only in common, then we all go down together. Sport merely reflects society. We are in big trouble here, and not because of tainted Superbowls, but because we embrace nothing other than the adjective “more”--more money, more square footage, more cheating.  We are bereft of purpose, and can now only keep score with numbers. But value is not numerical. Creative purpose does not come with a price tag—and we have lost sight of that. There is no value in more than is necessary, but when nothing else matters then all we have is arithmetic.  

Sorry about the dreary report. Perhaps truth carries its own weight and it might help us value victory as an end rather than a means. Football is not war; it is a game. But then it does reflect survival. That is why we play games. 


I do not wish to push the previous video into the past, especially since truth is an acquired taste. The video below shares a perspective with the following verse, i.e. difficulty, so I place them together. The whole might be greater than the sum of its parts. 

And  difficulty is not impossibility; it just requires more faith and determination. At the bottom of this perplexity lies metaphysics, i.e. the assessment of the reality of existence. Thought will be required here, but the outcome is more important than the latest ball scores or fashion design. The goal might be,  perhaps even has been, found in Spirituality—not as cause, but as mode. 

The poem and video together perhaps points to an insight, which would be that the answer lies in the Whole, not in the parts. 

Omar Khayyam: 

“Up from Earth’s Centre through the Seventh Gate
I rose, and on the Throne of Saturn sate
And many a Knot unravel’d  by the Road;
but not the Master-Knot of Human Fate.

There was the Door to which I found no Key;
There was the Veil through which I might not see:
some little talk awhile of Me and Thee
There was—and then no more of Thee and Me.

Earth could not answer; nor the Seas that mourn 
In flowing Purple, of their Lord forlorn;
Nor rolling Heaven with all his Signs revealed
And hidden by the sleeve of Night and morn.” 

Omar was talking about materialism, the metaphysics of today. Night and morn are not good enough. Spiritualism (idealism) is not just wishful thinking; it is quantum psychology. 

Living with the gun

My life now breaks down into theoretical and practical. Theoretical deals with whether there is a God or not and how we might verify this issue through experience. The practical felt like an essentially different issue (psychotherapy), but the two now appear to be inextricably related. So I oscillate and am fine with that. 

Recently the focus shifted to practical, and with a flurry of effort we put together a music video. It basically presents the position of combat vets upon return to civilian life. The audience this most directly affects are the vets returning today, but as a country we have a responsibility to these people, and it behooves us to have some understanding of their problems. Here is the effect of combat experience in a four minute video. I have seen 170,000 patient hours in out-patient PTSD therapy groups, so have had some experience here. Also, having once been  an United States Air Force Major adds a useful perspective. 

Bill Langanke wrote the song, the lyrics, played bass in the band, and provided the reflection. I simply added visuals and recorded it. This is entirely a home grown product, organic maybe, even. 

Robert Andersen, M. D. 



Two men are playing chess and while doing so are also discussing whether or not there is a god. Let’s call them Bob and Bill. Bill insists that since God is incarnate (without form) we can never know anything about him. This is, as I recall, Kant’s position, so Bill has significant support. The thesis that we will never know rests on both God’s imperceptability and the assumption that by his being so much greater than us, we could never fathom his ways. Two punches, one apparent knockout, at least a TKO. 

But wait---rescue by analogy (something to always keep in mind when threatened by loss of consciousness). Bob falls back as the opponent fires a third punch, “How can you know there is a God if you don’t know what he is?” Bob’s defense goes to the game at hand, the chessboard (grasp for present moment when in doubt). He counters,  “How can you keep playing this game if you cannot see the ending?  Bill is taken back. He responds weakly,  “because I know there is an ending.”  Bob retorts, “That’s it, so too with God, I know there is an answer.” Saved by the bell. 

God is an indicative issue, not simply conjectural. This means that He either exists or does not, unknown we might concede today, but a real fact with a yes or no answer. We do not know  'what', but we know  'that'. So we keep playing the game because there is an actual, real, substantive answer out there--one way or the other. 

We have relativity theory and quantum mechanics today as a product of the previous century. It gives us more information. It lets us know that we only understand the rules for middle sized objects, not the very large or very small. How is the concept of God any different? Both positions, theism and atheism, make their points. True we are perhaps flipping coins today, but perhaps we will get better coins.  We might have science that encompasses reason, perception and subjectivity in the future, rather than just perception. So we keep playing (asking), because this answer, and there actually is one even if we cannot fathom it, is the fundamental question of life. 

We can be busy with things, wonderful, distracting, practical,  defensive, or disturbing as they might be; but meaning comes from the top down, and without God the top is humanity. In my view that is not high enough, and this is my song so I can write it any way I want. Pessimism can be either a weakness or a strength, depending on whether the issue in contention is possible or not, real or imaginary. I do not think we can ever get the proper perspective of ourselves viewing us from within. We need to have a way to get out. God offers that, a Grand Emperor does not. The Grand Emperor still would sit on a throne that has a cover. Borrowing from Becker, that says we can never get beyond contingent. Contingent is never absolute. It depends on something greater than itself for its existence, and so on, forever. Absolute is what we need to complete ourselves. “You complete me” (from Jerry Maguire)  can never be completely true of another human being. But it can be of God. 

This is quite where I am today. I know there is an answer, but am struggling to formulate it. This is apparently not something one can delegate. We each have to provide our own answer. It is like singing our own songs, the making of which, gives a song its value. Memorized experience is not learned experience, one is simply a cover band for someone else who creates. Good perhaps for a band (good copies count for something),  but not good enough for life. The answer to the big questions must be something we achieve, not simply borrow. The truth is in the experience, not the concept, and without the synthesis there is no conviction.

But there is an answer, a yes or a no. So we keep seeking. Seek and Ye shall find. No one is going to hand it to you. You do not want to face Manny Pacquieo in the ring without preparation. And while that issue is best handled by not meeting him at all, the metaphor it represents faces all of us. God and death are issues confronts everyone, and I contend facing them is better than bucket lists for distraction. When have you ever done anything from a list that was anything but a chore? We don’t need reminders of things we want to do.

Menlo-Atherton High School

It is the time in my life to tie up loose ends and try to put everything in order. The books are about that, but life is not just books. There are corollaries to books, some of them looking backwards. Since “the past is not over, it is not even past” (Faulkner) I had words for my high school class. This might be viewed as practical consequences of the writing (books). It feels real, and since subjectivity is hypothetically now our contact with the Absolute, I will share this. It perhaps carries more meaning than I appreciate. It suggests that we have choices in life between purpose and pleasure. Life forced my decisions, but like coffee, it produces a taste one can get used to, even prefer. Coffee, black, please:

"May 25, 2015: The rest of the story: 
        I get that Classmates is largely for sharing interesting life events and reminiscing about the good old days, all with an optimistic attitude that might step a bit heavily on truth, perhaps an all-comers version of ESPN. But maybe optimism has a variant grafted on more durable roots, albeit not quite as glamorous. 

It does seem to me that this might be the time in our lives when we should reflect on what life is all about. If not now, when? If we had submitted written expectations for our lives to be placed into a time capsule and opened some time like now, my expectations would not have been close, but not all on the short side. On balance, things just turned out different, quite different. 

On the down side, I have precious few relationships. My adoption (black market) severed all ties with natural family, the adoptive family failed by pretending to be real, and my children do not seem to be happy with the person I have become. I was professionally social, a psychiatrist/therapist, who has probably seen more combat PTSD patients in out-patient groups than anyone else on the planet (170, 000 patient hours), yet little of that carries over past employment, and a strange thing happened on the way to personal integration. 
The adoption issues proved to be much more significant than I ever anticipated. I learned about that issue at age twelve and just looked away, as instructed. Lessons learned from the vets and myself are that psychological trauma sticks around until it is faced, and facing it involves significantly changing one's life. Reference points change, and there is no turning back. I do not fit, almost anywhere (a result of conflict resolution), yet knowing that allows me to be genuine (albeit different) everywhere. I am now totally lost in my writing. Not that anyone really cares, although the website has 200 or so people each day (160,000 visits), but this is hardly a connection. Any connection is internal. I feel grounded. That is the good part of the story. The bad being the non-fit with the rest of the world. I am the guy who sees the sky falling and talks about it on the internet. (We no longer have to run around nailing posters in town squares) The fact about this issue is that nobody cares about the sky falling, until it does. But so be it. Somehow in the fifty-seven years (perhaps to the day) since we graduated I have come to see it as my job to formulate a Plan B. 

My note in the time capsule would have predicted a much more conventional life style--travel, dining, friends, etc. But what I seem to have instead is a compelling sense of responsibility about the sky falling, and a need to understand, as well as a fascination with, the whole. The good with the bad. On balance, not quite a wash. But there appears to be an inherent paradox here that puts someone in one camp or the other, which is that purpose and pain somehow go together. No pain, no gain. OneRepublic has a cool song (I Lived), which has a line that goes, "hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad". That would sound strange to someone seventeen, but perhaps not to us at seventy-five." 
                 ---Cheers, Robert 

The beginning of editing

Looking forward to Resonance and backward to Coming Home gives me balance. Here is some editing, which brings the Foreword and Introduction up to speed. Just click on the camera. 


Intelligent Design is the method of creation in theism. Theism is the position that postulates a higher power in the world, a God.  Physical law determines the process in atheism. Atheism, by its name, excludes a god. All is matter and motion. The picture below reveals intelligent design, human style. It can take a picture sharp enough to read an automobile license plate from 80, 000 feet, flying by at 2500 mph. We should be proud, or maybe not.

Brilliant in technology, we are brain dead in self reflection. It is a spy plane. Does the world need better spy planes? Will that make everyone safer? Might we not aim a bit higher?  Good fences might make good neighbors, but I doubt that better espionage will increase our popularity.

Our problem seems to be that everywhere we go, there we are. We fail to see our part in personal experience. Experience is a two way street, not just a collection of perceptions. Aristotle postulated four causal perspectives: 1) material, 2) formal, 3) efficient, and 4) final. To connect abstract to reality let’s consider the construction of a Boeing 747. First, it is made of matter (material). Second it is put together by some sort of design (formal). Third, something puts it all together, the production line (efficient). And finally, it was constructed in the first place for a purpose, i.e. to fly a lot of people a long way (final). 

Science can deal only with causes one and three. It usurps the second method although it has no warrant to do so. This is because it entails purpose (human) and science defines the world as entirely causal. We cannot intentionally do anything, but rather are simply driven by neuronal discharge. There is no consciousness in nerve cells, and purpose disappears along with consciousness. Pool balls and quarks do not think. Their happenings are called chance, and their language becomes empty. 

My point here is that while this airplane is technically brilliant, it is subjectively inane. It’s fourth Aristotelean cause presumes that more power directed at others will improve the world. If the ultimate abstraction in the question of human survival lies in the issue of friend or foe, then we have opted for foe and need secure our future through violence. If the essence of stupidity is continuing the same course and expecting different results, then the dunce cap fits us. Human history is largely the story of conflict. Maybe we need a new paradigm. How about cooperation, something that is not viewed as second best, or something we have to force ourselves to feel, but rather some genuine understanding of ourselves as subjective beings that carries its own battery pack. 

My professional experience was as a psychiatrist; let’s call the field Psychology. After forty years of experience I am entitled to an opinion. My opinion is that psychology, as it is generally practiced today, is no better than it was before the scientific revolution. “Behavioral Science” is an oxymoron. To throw away mind in favor of reflections off of body makes no sense at all. It is pretend science. We cannot view our minds. We experience ourselves, but not through a “mind’s eye”. There is nothing to see, hence nothing for science to work with. So we make great airplanes in order to spy better on our possible friends and think this is as good as it gets. Force will never work, and the clock is running. Our technology to deliver weapons will outrun our ability to eliminate the need to use them.  We need to aim higher than 80,000 feet, and I am not talking altitude; I am talking in terms of consciousness. This is a big picture problem, not one in the colloquial world of pool balls. Dare I say we might live in a world of consciousness and matter, rather than consciousness from matter? That might sound effete, like philosophers hurling epithets at each other. But smart might not be impotent. It brought us to nuclear energy. Perhaps it can save us from it as well. 


I have hopped books in a quantum leap, although attention goes to both. There is a synergy, and intuition leads me to work with both at the same time. So I have gone from Hocking, who wrote at the beginning of the 20th century to contemporaries, largely at Oxford, who write at the beginning of the 21st.  Content-wise this means a shift from seeking communication with God to questioning the being of God. But belief and faith are not independent, and what the world needs is “a God people can believe in.” So it all goes together. 

I have two bedrock convictions from which reason itself probably cannot pry me: 1) There is a God; 2) Jesus was not God. So while it is pleasant to have company in these inquires, I have to part ways with my colleagues at Oxford. Once again, out to the back porch for me. But then this mental sequence transpired: 

Jesus was the son of God. So God has a family. I am used to being outside of family, the story of my life, and I know how that works. Kinship always wins. If God has to circle the wagons, I know who will get left out. “Nothing at all” is more real to me than “just like real”. Then I came across the comment that Jesus was God incarnate. This means God in a physical sense. But God in a physical sense is spirit as object, and spirit does not exist in time/space. Swinburne, one of my heroes from Oxford, says, from a position of logic, that the only way people can describe non material entities is through metaphors. Enter Jesus. 

If Jesus is not really God’s son, but rather a metaphorical representation of spirit as matter, then I am back to Hocking and myself, and perfectly happy. In the latter system, God, as spirit, becomes matter, which functions as Spirit in its communicative form. The writers of the Bible could have used a stone tablet, or a special wine, or thunderstorms, or any other thing as God, but they chose a human being. Jesus chose himself, as a prophet, and he was essentially correct. God has to somehow become material for us to understand him. Inanimate objects look too much like idols (we drop the reality of spirit in favor of stuff), and God as both spirit and matter offers no mental pattern to grasp. The truth might be that matter is God in his communicative form, which turns Jesus into a metaphor for God in a manner we can grasp through experience. 

Hocking’s whole idea of God is that He must be a personal God and must show himself somehow in experience, which turns out to be subjectivity. So I can take the truth of Jesus, that he is a communicative form of God, and not have to add the anthropomorphic qualities of son and person. We can skip the the immaculate conception, feeding the thousands, and rising from the dead, and also we have no need of the Holy Ghost. What is the Holy Ghost anyway? What does it do, where does it go, how does one pray to it? The Holy Ghost does one, albeit very special thing; it connects God to spirit. But we no longer need a Trinity. Ontologically we need God, who is spirit, and we need substance, which is His communicative form. He is both, at least for as long as He wants to communicate with us. 

Where does this all go?:  

1. Jesus becomes a prophet, rather than God. 

2.The essence of Jesus coming to earth, so that we could commune with God,  becomes established without having to anthropomorphize it.  Remember, metaphors are not literal. They are the antithesis of literal. 

3. The Holy Trinity gets reduced to a duality. There is God and there is God in his communicative form, which is reality. Simpler is better. 

4. We do not have to deal with the dust kicked up by metaphors. 

There is a broader picture which this construction requires. The universe becomes a work in progress, rather than an accomplished fact. Thank God for that, because if it was a finished work, then giving us purpose becomes a meaningless act. What purpose could we have with nothing left to do? We need real purpose, real work, that really needs to be done, to employ our capacities to the fullest. And lucky for us, purpose is the most satisfying component of life. We fit. We are needed. We can be appreciated. I will take that any day over a 20,000 square foot house. 

The End

“To everything—turn, turn, turn
There is a season—turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven.” 

This book has reached its time. A relatively brief summary near the end  and editing, editing, editing are all that remain.  But the closing comments are finished, and the last two  pictures speak for themselves. I am horrified (albeit pleased) how quickly this effort concluded.  Work is not finished,  just this work.    I feel it, and the next step has already begun. 

“A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate.
A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late!”

Click on the picture for the last four pages of Coming Home (previously called Quantum Psychology and Republic) 

Beginnng of the End

Blogs and books have a different life span. Since this site is more book than blog, we try to graft an offshoot. Here is a blog-sized bite of the latest book, almost the end.  Click picture for pdf file. 
(some unedited) 

New Material

New material. Electrons are free. Click on picture below for pages 520-613
(update 2/13/15) (update 2/17/15)  (update  2/28/15)  (update  3/3/15)  (update 3/9/15)
(update 3/24/15)  (update 3/27/15, needs some editing)  (update 3/29/15)

Recent Work

The book is getting fatter; perhaps that is necessary. The blog lies relatively fallow. Here is the latest compromise, recent pages that hang togethere. Click on cover below to open a pdf  for pages 410-519.


Such knowledge as we could desire:

I feel like Sisyphus with this chapter, pushing my knowledge up a hill, only to have it roll back down again. Probably we do not make scores of different mistakes in our understandng of the world; more likely we continue to repeat just one or two of them. Each chapter of Hocking’s book becomes a challenge, but this one seems particularly difficult. It is not entirely new material, actually, each chapter shades into the others, so nothing begins again at zero. But the world appear to get turned upside down and back, several times, probably because the truth is counter-intuitive. 

Like Berkeley, Hocking seems to remove the ground floor of our understanding, but then comments that we will hardly notice. Yes, pragmatically we have it all wrong, but we can just treat it as if and carry on as usual. Yet as if is not real, and this must show up somewhere in the universe, maybe not on our way to the store, but certainly on our way to eternity. Meaning appears to be ultimately determined by the whole picture of how we conceive the universe. If rocks rule the world we can play along by pretending to not noticie or worry about little things, like how purpose can exist in a causal world; but that is not the same world as one with purpose. We see the blinders we put on to get by, which moves us at least one step away from complete commitment. My tail wags or does not wag on what I believe, not on what I tell it to do. (Using tail wagging as my guide for subjectivity, i.e, intuition, i.e. God.) I have a God supporting me when my tail wags and nothing at all when it does not. These are not the same; nor can I play them the same. I could try, but going into battle with God on one’s side is not the same as with a hypothesis in one’s pocket, nor is acting as if I love someone the same as actually loving someone—the engine is not in that car. 

Hocking dispels solipsism (gets us out of our black boxes) by somehow making reality a part of our minds. The big move under all the guises here seems related to our tendency to view spirit as matter and to see mind and body as separate. This works just fine for everyday business. No one except philosophers have to run through this exercise about the reality of matter, but ignoring truth does not address the big questions about the universe. We can get to the store whether we have front wheel or back wheel drive (a metaphor), but whether we go to the store or not is not thereby determined. If god-particles rule the world, then let us simply huddle together in our humanity to face the fading of the sun. But if God runs the world, then it is probably simply built into us to want to communicate with him. Schopenhauer balked at that conclusion, but only because he ruled out God. He saw the organizing factor of the universe as a mindless force that pushes us around like toys, and our finest move is to refuse to follow. This seems foolish to me. To stop looking for something better than cosmic indifference seems like quitting, and hope will surely follow with it. Abject indifference as the nature of things appears to be an invitation to protest, but what proof does one have that for indifference is there instead of concern?

 Hocking spares us from being self-conained worlds by viewing reality as one side of the coin of consciousness. Consciousness is not just out there basking in itself. Consciousness only comes into being in relation to something of which it is conscious. We are conscious of a bee, or a flower, or a group of protesters in the driveway, but not just conscious of nothing in particular. Even if we are trying to think of nothing, we are conscious of the concept of nothing, which is not the same as abject nothingness. Thus in knowing another mind, the thing we value the most, we do not have to “descend to meet”, as Emerson put it, but rather the descent is the meeting. Translated, this means that objects in the world are also objects in the minds of others and their minds are thus for real both a process in and a reality in some unknown way, both outside of ourselves. Mind means nothing without something real which with it forms a unit, as a husband needs a wife to be married, so a wife needs a husband. (Recent legislation notwithstanding.) In a similar fashion, mind cannot function without matter, and matter cannot be managed without mind. There is a mind/matter complex that we apparently do not know how to file correctly yet. At least I seem to have trouble doing so. But basically, Hocking says we meet each other, directly, outside of ourselves, and not merely imaginatively in lonely little black boxes. Our bodies are not just things we have to drag around, keeping us from the joy of spiritual connection. They are the contact, in metaphorical form, perhaps designed explicitly for communication, without which we would not just be trapped in boxes; rather, we would be merely empty concepts existing no where in reality. 

 If this all sounds difficult, that is my Sisyphus problem. It gets easier if we view God, as Berkeley viewed Him, in that reality is a part of God’s mind. Then as spirit we do not just cease to exist without matter, we exist through God, and better than alone, we have matter with which to communicate. I am sorry here, but the whole pictures seems to collapse into one solution without even thinking about it. I am referring to the reason that God bothered with to create reality at all. And it seems to be for communication. I do not think God would be upset for us to speculate on His nature, and it seems that maybe God got tired of being e alone. Joan Osborne’s song, “What if God was One of Us?” talks about God “having no one on the phone, ‘cept the Pope maybe in Rome”. Leave out the Pope, and why does this not make sense? Did Moses come down from the mountain with information that God is just fine all the time, thank you very much? Why should the world be static. Nothing else about it seems to be. Maybe the Universe is a work in progress. This is called speculation, not dogma. 

What is a library? Looking closely (a dangerous occupation), it is a place that houses books. Is it a library before books arrive? Practically, it is not, but it has to be something before the books arrive. And the books are not exactly the issue, rather, it is the words in the books that matter, or even more specifically, it is the ideas contained in the words, stored in the books. When does it become a library? It exists conceptually as soon as a government agency votes it into existence. And does it remain in existence after the building has worn down and the books removed, standing there proudly as to testimony of its contribution to the community? For those who remember it, the answer might be yes. It will likely be called the library until it is torn down for a Starbucks or turned into public housing. 

A mind is something like a library. It is not really a place, although we think it is in our heads, and without ideas it does not even function. The Board has simply approved a library, some day to arrive. It arrives when it gets its first idea. Ideas come from outside of us. We can generate abstract ideas, but they work entirely off of specifics. One can see a right shoe, then a left shoe, and then a pair of shoes, but the term “pair” is an absraction. There are not three items out there, only two. Our ability to abstract creates the third (the pair), but only out of the actual shoes. Are we born with ideas? I do not know if anyone has bothered to consider that issue. Probably we hear our mother’s heart in utero, and maybe hard rock if she is into that kind of stuff. But no matter; the library is not useful until it has books, and minds bide their time until they receive impressions. Then they start to construct quadratic equations that allow us to intercept comets and such, although that comes much later.  

Hocking begins with the idea that we are interested in the minds of others only in relation to the ideas they contain. An empty mind is a poor conversationalist. He tosses out insights here like he is feeding ducks. One is the very idea that a mind is of interest to us only after it has created ideas from perceptions. Another is that the value of other beings to us is in relation to their ability to negotiate reality. No one wants to get lost in the day dreams of a spoiled child. We have fruit and nuts to gather, and ideas not connected to reality just chase their tails. Our purpose on this planet appears to be two-fold. First, we try to stay alive. That is simply self-evident. It is not worth arguing that point with anyone. Just smile and walk away. The second is probably that we are programed to create. We appear to make real, lasting, meaningful changes in reality. And somehow satisfaction follows on that path. It is what we do. 

 So we become better in units than alone, and the social world is where we find our wingmen. It is the other mind as knowing and mastering Nature that we first care about. Nature is not in the way here. There is no abstract soul wanting to relate to another abstract soul. There are no souls at all without “stuff” in them, any more than there are libraries which have only been voted upon. A third insight is that beauty relates to the ease with which one moves through the resistence of reality. It is not some abstract standard decided by someone at Time Magazine publishing their list of whatever they make lists about. Beauty is what beauty does. The rest is simply what kind of outfit it wears. 

 I, for one, upon reflection, realize that there always appeared to be some barrier between me and another being I valued. This is not an adoption issue; it is existential. Physically, no matter what they intend two physical beings cannot occupy the same space. Mentally, we can imagine doing so, but in a physical world that is just imagination—trapped as the idealist philosophers describe in our own insufferably individual minds. Something was supposed to happen to creatures that love each other; they should somehow be able to become one, rather than forever remain on separate ships in the harbor. Telepathy would seem to be the preferred form of interaction. That is quite what Emerson was talking about when he said that friends have to descend to meet—we have to leave our minds, travel down into words, sends the words out over sound waves, and then reverse the process at the other end. A whole lot of work that appears to be obviated by some type of mental to mental connection. 

But Hocking debunks telepathy. He does it quick and painlessly: Telepathy has to be either imagination of what the other is thinking, or some sense of our own thoughts moving under the impressiiopn of arising elsewhere. The problem with either of these avenues is that they come with no certificate of authenticity. One has to verify them, and this is done by direct physical contact. In other words, to prove that the videotape is accurate, we have to observe the videotape of that other recorder. In other words, our verification reverts to what we started with in the first place, physical perceptions and their accompanying imputations. Yikes. 

But the “upside down and back” issue referred to above is exactly this. My life long quest for something more direct between my mind and that of others has been dismissed; but in its place Hocking promotes what we actually have. What we actually have is literally true—and this is precisely the difficult concept here, which I can best categorize as quantum, and describe as mind, being both mental and physical at the same time. In Hocking’s words:

“Nature and the natural body must belong with the experience of Other Mind, even in its ideal condition. Of myself, I seem to have only mind; of the Other, only body: and yet, as I think it through, there seems to be nothing about that body which conceals the spirit—body seems to do no more in separating than to fix and define the simple other-ness of that Other from myself; in all other respects it does but give me that Other Mind in more tangible form than by experience of its inner life on its own grounds alone, I could have it.”
Subjectivity is persona non grata in scientific publications. Just the facts are what they want. Kant excluded the author’s perspective in The Critique of Pure Reason, a philosophical study many consider the greatest of all time. I find him unintelligible. Everything I know about Kant was learned from what others said of his work. Perhaps trail blazers have to shut everything else out, so their writing style might be excusable, but still it remains unreadable. Kant said he had to leave out metaphors because the book would then have been too long. His best friend said that he had to stop reading half-way through the book, lest he kill himself.  Hocking is incredible incisive, and yet equally as real. One can feel the kind of person he was, and to me this is decisive as to whether I wish to follow someone or not. Nowhere is Hocking more personal than at the end of this chapter. I suspect he is talking about his wife here. They had a fullfilling marriage just like they vowed, ending . . . . “until death do us part”.

“Let me pursue my reflection a step further. I have sometimes sat looking at a comrade, speculating on this mysterious isolation of self from self. Why are we so made that I gaze and see of thee only thy Wall, and never Thee? This Wall of thee is but a movable part of the Wall of my world; and I also am a Wall to thee: we look out at one another from behind masks. How would it seem if my mind could but one be within thing; and we could meet and without barrier be with each other? And then it has fallen upon me like a shock—as when one thinking himself alone has felt a presence—that I am in thy soul. These things around me are in thy experience. They are thy own; when I touch them and move them I change thee. When I look on them I see what thou seest; when I listen, I hear what thou hearest. I am in the great Room of thy soul; and I experience thy very experience. For where art thou? Not there, behind those eyes, within that head, in darkness, fraternizing with chemical processes. Of these in my own case, I know nothing, and will known nothing; for my existence is spent not behind my Wall, but in front of it .I am there, where I have treasures. And there art thou, also. This world in which I live, is the world of thy soul: and being within that, I am within thee. I can imagine no contact more real and thrilling than this; that we should meet and share identity, not through ineffable inner depths (alone), but here through the foregrounds of common experience; and that thou should be—not behind that mask—but here, pressing with all thy consciousness upon me, containing me, and these things of mine. This is reality: and having seen it thus, I can never again be frightened into monadism by reflections which have strayed from their guiding insight.”

This is poetry as well as truth. I fail to see what one would hope to gain by reducing it to biochemical reactions; and I fear for what we would lose. Yes, reality has its durability; but also subjectivity has its love. These are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they are probably not even separable.

I overlooked one other issue on the upside down turns earlier in this the chapter. We presume that the sequence of activity goes from thought to action, which also would be from inside to outside. Hocking inverts this. In doing so he is consistent with the concept of mind being physical on the outside of us, as well as abstract. We do not just generate ideas out of ineffable depths and move them outside through some sort of conveyor belt. He feels ideas have to gestate, and we take posession of them much as we do perceptions when we express them in the external world. Our minds, just like those of others, are out there in the world. And that is where we take possession of our ideas. Chalk talk is what we do with pure introspection; on field practice is where we get our ideas into shape. No expression; no possession.

 The take home message from this chapter, however, remains the concept of body being a metaphor for the mind. Sit with this awhile and it gathers credibility. The native tongue of our mind is perceptual. We are not usually looking at the apparatus of our perception. This is a perpetual human problem, expressed throughout history as our predilection for tangible things (idols) over spiritual beings. We can see one and cannot see the other. So the body functions as a perpetual interpreter, translating conceptual into physical. We all read this quite well. But we understand it very little. So we write about it here.

“The body is an incredibly intricate and exact metaphor of every inner movement of that Other Mind. To every shade of thought and motive there corresponds some change in the body, reflecting in its own different sphere each type of variation to which the inner state is subject. Man still “looketh on the outward appearance” only, even though he were able to examine the living brain; but remarkable it is that there is nothing in “the heart” not faithfully displayed in this appearance, and at the moment of its occurrence.”

Quantum Psychology

The main purpose of this site was for people to read our new books (pdf files). But blogs are now, whereas books are then, and then is not especially soon. For awhile I was trying to write for both book and blog, but the book is the more important, and that is where the effort is going now. So I try to add pages of the new book to the blog as they become written. 

Well, pages have turned into chapters and focus has gone from socio/economics to metaphysics. The first book, Requiem, is done and posted for viewing. Republic is becoming plump and still just getting started. It's name no longer works. I am changing the title from  Republic to Quantum Psychology. The cover is below and clicking it will bring you 487 pages. As Bill said, "It was as if you were writing a book supposedly about baseball, but it was all about fishing.   We will get it right.   No more fish.      Click away.
(update 12/16/14)   (update  12/20/14)  (update  12/27/14)  (update 1/10/15)

Quantum (Republic) Soundtrack

You need Flash Player in order to view this.
Republic Sountrack
music for book

I put together a soundtrack for the new book. It is a fun activity; one can get lost for hours doing it. Check it out on Youtube.  

In review (6/9/15) this video only takes on more meaning. Consider it a metaphor for my intuition on the coming world crisis. It could be a theme song for that crisis. If body is a metaphor for mind, then this video is a presentation of a perspective that only gains in intensity. I call it resonance, which we can add to perception and reaction as valid experience. Hocking says the subjective mode is our communication with God, not airy ideation but grounded affect--experience, intuition, subjectivity. Experience of this kind cannot be counterfeited. The video shows my concern for animals, which is a bit idiosyncratic, but its portent of world events is perhaps prophetic. Intuition is for action, not for intellectual contemplation. And action only happens now, not tomorrow morning. 

Macarthur Park

New work in the new book. Click on cake for pages 344-361

The Latest

This site started out as a place to access books online. That seems to be a safe process now, as it is not necessary to download anything. One can just read the pdf which is probably like viewing something on Youtube. 

It has reverted to its roots, as all of my effort lately is going into the second book. That has its own issues, but all pretty interesting; and for whatever its worth, the process moves along consistently. For the latest work, click on the picture below. Pages 238-344 are now all dressed up for the dance. 


This article from three years ago has a particular relevance today with the National Football League problems: 

DemographicsPosted on Tuesday, October 25, 2011 7:11 AM

Mises envisions a world with no boundaries to employment. People simply go where they are most efficiently engaged regardless of boundaries. This might sound unreasonable because of people's idealogy of nation states, but there is no natural attraction simply because they occupy the same geography. Nor is blood the determining thing. Geography and genetics cannot insert purpose; only spirit can do that. We may not know what our basic premises are, but we have them and they are not part of our biology. We act on what we believe  and feel, not where we live or what we eat.   

Monarchies used to be the dominant form of government. The king was thought to be chosen by God and treated as such–until he wasn’t. But monarchy is an idea, not a social requisite. It has largely been replaced by respresentative government or secular autocracy. Employment practices can change too. They will have to and we will have to adjust to it, or we will blow ourselves up. 

I get that no one will quite accept that premise, but then people do not naturally run out the logical consequences of their metaphysical beliefs either, and thus they consistently run off the road. Mises has thought it through. We must make choices in life, Carolina or California, not merely make wishes. If we want world peace we will have to accept open borders for trade and employment. Pick one: awkward conversations or nuclear winter. 

The picture to this post is not from a love of soccer. I will never appreciate the game. But I am beginning to lose appreciation for American football. Michael Vick executes dogs, Albert Hanesworth stomps on players heads, and these guys are making twenty million dollars a year. What do we celebrate here, transcending physical limits or mere physical violence? A whole team’s success can be one fifteen-yard penalty away from total collapse. This is not a game any more; it is getting closer to what games are designed to avoid–a fight to the finish. Every professional American football player knows his next play may be his last. Are we becoming more civilized or is this just gladiators with face masks?  

 International soccer is a much bigger sport than American football. Maybe it is better. Maybe America celebrates violence to reflect its military presence in the world. Maybe I will develop an appreciation for soccer. No, there are limits to the last possibility here; the best I might be able to do is rekindle an appreciation for the sacrifice fly. 

Interestingly, the book for which this site exists is about ten times more popular outside the United States than inside it. People visit the site from all over the world. China and Japan access it regularly, as does Western Europe. Russia, Ukraine, Latvia, India, Israel, and the Arab Emerites all have been there. The main point of this site is to offer a download of the book (Requiem). I assume that some of the people who visit actually do that. Some of them in the Netherlands appear to do it a lot. The site has been accessed over 3000 times from Huethuysen, Netherlands. I do not think they are just listening to the soundtrack. 

Can a person draw any inference from these observations? Perhaps not, but one has to wonder about the nature of metaphysical ideation in different cultures. We gain meaning from our belief systems, and meaning drives our behavior. Ideas may not provide the energy, but they direct it. Know thyself is about more than knowing one prefers football to soccer. It is about knowing the reasons for that preference. Could it be that the United States is a bit full of itself? Is that why we are in everyone's business? We attack preemtively now. Obama is celebrated for his drone attacks. This does not look good. American football reflects it. Perhaps we should cut the pretense. Our money says on the back of each note "In God We Trust". Maybe we should change that to "In the Federal Reserve We Trust". If we are going to play God, we should at least know that is what we are doing. 

Chapter Five, Part Two

Part Two 

This book is not a course in metaphysics. It is more like a dialogue in being. We are not learning things. We are learning about ourselves, and in the process hopefully becoming more effective people. I ran group therapy for more than thirty years. People never caught on to the major premise. We employed it, but they failed to grasp it intellectually. The concept itself is pretty simple, but it addresses our recent issues, which are not simple. The rule for group was that they talk about whatever was on their minds, but at some point we stop and reflect on what they had been talking about. This is the issue about not what we look at, but what we look with, a quantum-like concept.  We would do this, and apparently it worked, as well as character development programs can work, although it never became autonomous for the group members. They kept looking at content instead of process. 

  So while we are in a new section of this book, we are not in a new section of ourselves. We are the absolute of our own experience, part of it anyway. We are not just memorizing here, we are, hopefully, becoming more real. Pursuant to that I want to reflect a moment on society getting confidence backwards, as mentioned in the previous chapter. Perhaps in this situation we become like the group members and fail to make the metaphysical shift in our personal cameras, for I still wake up in the morning to issues about the nature of confidence and performance. In some ways that should not be surprising. Thirty years ago I wrote an article on the perils of positive thinking. This is not a new issue to me, but apparently, also, not a settled one. 

I recently heard a football coach on television saying that he thought his team could beat the opponent coming up the next Saturday. I do not recall the teams at this point, but this team was not favored in the game, and the reporter was addressing that issue. As soon as the coach said he “thought” they could win, he changed that comment to he “knew” they could win. Just what had flashed in his mind that so quickly changed his conviction? Had he suddenly learned that his starting quarterback had been cleared to play, or that the bus of the opposing team had crashed? There is no information in those few seconds between “I think” and “I know” that could have factored into that decision. 

So he just made it up. Confidence at this point is therefore no longer an accurate an assesment of the teams actual chances to win, but rather a paid political announcement designed to influence the actual game. The coach lies. This does not improve his chances of winning. He might win because of the way the ball bounces, or because he made a mistake in his initial assessment, but not because he pumped up his confidence. Confidence is a concept, not an agent.  

I ran marathons I did not improve my time by telling myself to run faster. I did it by training harder. Marathons are good petri dishes for studying effort. Telling yourself at mile fifteen that you are going to pick up the pace is good for about four hundred yards, and then you fall back to the best pace your training will allow you to run. Will power, on its own, can make some difference in pure effort situations, but not much. And trying harder on skill activities decreases performance. A player does not get out of a batting slump by swinging harder. He gets out of a batting slump by resolving the conflicts that are causing him to be distracted. 

The confident coach simply says he thinks they can win next week. That is honest. He does not know, the ball can bounce any way it wants. He only plays the confidence card when he is worried. That is when he is not facing the facts. It is closing the door and painting it pretty. We know when we do that, and it simply emphasizes the point that we are about to head into a situation for which we are not prepared. Anxiety and duplicity do not lead to victory. Hard work does. As Bobby Knight said, “The will to win is not nearly as important as the will to prepare to win”.  It is good to have Coach Knight on our side here. 

Confidence is not an ingredient in the cake; it is a result of having baked it.  Behavioral theory says that emotions are a product of actions. As we act, so shall we feel. So the objective view concludes that saying will become believing. But from the subjective perspective a person knows he is lying for effect. And he knows that he does not do this about things he is confident about, like driving a car to work. A person only whistles past graveyards when he is passing a graveyard. He only lies to himself when he is afraid. Who is he going to trust here, the psychologists or his common sense?  Berkeley had it right about raising a dust. F. H. Bradley had in right in saying that metaphysics is the art of finding bad reasons for what we believe on instinct. No one wants to be treated as a thing, which is what lying to them entails, and no one likes beng afraid, which is what might cause them to lie. And in this situation the same person is playing both sides. When you are digging yourself into a deeper hole, stop digging.  Materialists have to see that behavior causes emotion; they have nothing else other than matter and motion to explain it. Spiritualists (idealism) postulate consciousness as a valid force in the world. Here, emotion causes action. Both cannot be right. Your choice between these two positions determines the color of your life. Materialists view mind as made out of matter. Idealists view matter as made out of mind.   It is a Carolina/California situation. Know where you want to go. 

 The absolute is where questions end and mind can come to rest. The big bang theory does not satisfy questions about the origin of the universe. It discourages them. Asking what caused the big bang simply continues the infinite regress. We all tire out. But saying God created heaven and earth makes sense. A spirit can create things. A mind can rest there. 

Things cannot create themselves. Force fields and cosmic dust do not bring the questions to an end as a result of answering them satisfactorily. They come to an end because we look the other way. Absolute cannot arise from begging the question. It comes from making sense, not constructing a thesis. 

Confidence is not an agent in an action; it follows the result of the action. Confidence cannot be sought on its own accord. It lives only in connection with initiative. It is a product of the completion of a behavior, not a substance in the production of it. Confidence follows the enactment of purpose. Confidence and happiness are similar, in that pursuing them individually pushes them away. Both are reactions to the result of action, not the cause of it. And action is the result of purpose. But purpose without real is day dreaming. Viable purpose can only be experience in connection with the whole. Growing better gardenias is not sustaining unless it can be correlated with a broad view. Meaning finds its end only in connection with the Absolute. This means that stuff like happiness and confidence are not to be sought individually, but as part and parcel of a life lived through connection with something greater than us. And that something cannot be simply a force. In has to be a spirit; only a spirit has consciouness. I do not mind saying God here, because that is the only workable position, but with actions lately in the name of religion it is hard to hitch one’s wagon to any specific religion. Better to stick with a personal relationship to God.  We obtain confidence and happiness indirectly by following our purpose as experienced as individuals with the Absolute. That absolute is not a concept. It is a being. It is God, who has his own ends and his own purposes. God is not here to help us win the lottery. Pay a soothsayer for that. The universe is doing something, and we will not be satisfied without aligning ourselves with that purpose. There either is such a Being or there is not. But there can be no happiness or confidence without One. We all know that, intuitively.

                                                                           *  *  *  *  *

In Part Two we are out of the frying pan and into the fire here, with some metaphors thrown in. We leave looking at the reflexive position and move to studying the destiny of feeling. This does not get any easier. But then life is not a beach.

Chapter Five

Click picture for pdf file of Chapter Five, (unfinished):  
                 Updated August 31, 2014: September 27, 2014

Introduction for Book

I have chosen to follow wherever the wind takes me, rather than stick to a predetermined course. In the process, sociology changed into metaphysics. It seemed necessary to start at the beginning, rather than somewhere in the middle. 

We simply cannot live in a world that does not make sense. For example: 1) How can a causal system ever get started, when the beginning itself needs to be caused? 2) If space simply expands into more space, does it never end? 3) If all of our actions are caused, why do we think we act on purpose?  We simply look the other way on these issues, which is an untenable position for anyone seeking the truth. How do we explain our world without explanations?

 Also, I seek to claim a legitimate spot for subjectivity in a world gone overboard on objectivity. Half the story is not good enough. Personal experience becomes a part of the story, because objectivity is merely an abstraction of the whole. Leaving out emotion to focus on perception is not scientific advancement. It is flying the plane on autopilot with the pilot asleep. Our ability to destroy the world is exceeding our capacity to control ourselves. Counting to ten or idealizing communication is not going to work. We need instruments and pilots. It is a quantum world today; we need a quantum psychology.


What people need today is a god they believe to be real. Dinosaurs make it hard to think the world started six thousand years ago. The ark seems like too big a project, the flood appears vindictive, and Jonah could never get into a whale, let alone back out. We would DNA test Jesus today, and there is no video tape of the resurrection. Case dismissed. 

To keep faith it appears we have to sacrifice science. Worse, we also have to throw out reason, and, finally, toss out common sense (and with that perhaps God). 

Space is not the last frontier—Mind is. Perception is not just a passive process of receiving signals. It is much more complicated and points to an active process at both ends. We cannot see God. Perhaps we are looking in the wrong place. We focus on what we look at, but perhaps need to focus on what we look with. Reality includes both. Reality defines empirical. But reality in perception is active at both ends, and we only attend to the passive. Perhaps another Copernican revolution awaits our understanding of what we look with. Both are experience. Both are reality. Maybe we will find God by inference. Subjectivity is no less real than objectivity. We cannot perceive “things in themselves” any more than we can perceive God. But experience is the ultimate arbitrator. We are after total reality, not simply an abstraction of experience (i.e. external perception). 

We either know God, or we have no god. Better in the latter case to hang on to things, rather than merely ideas. But experience is every bit as real to us as perception. So before we settle for ashes to ashes, let’s look at all the information we have. Maybe we simply raise a dust and then complain we can not see. 

Everything is riding on this bet. We can either experience God with a certainly comparable to that which we view a tree in the front yard (or better, since the tree is not so certain), or we crash and burn.  

End in Sight

The following perspective, although my words, is not original. I meet it half way. It is both mine and not mine. I think it is correct, and if so, it is the means to our ends. The rest of this work will simply be implementation.

"Space, time, cause, and Thou (other) are not constituents of perception; they constitute perception. They are the focus through which we perceive. Reality is the communication system for spirit. Everything is not just time/space lumps; everything is communication. And if communication, then purpose; and if purpose, then God."

This position has a pedigree, so be careful to simply dismiss it offhand. You will be throwing out Berkeley, Kant, and Hocking.  

Third Strike Rules

There have been no stunning accomplishments in my life. I won no championships, sat in no legislature, and saved no whales. My life has been markedly unusual, but not markedly successful. That could change; unusual pushed long enough can become creative, but time is running out, and fame or fortune are no longer even goals. 

So why has it become so important for me to push for the completion of this book? I don’t want to go on Oprah, or visit Belgium. I can reflect on that but am not going to question it. Purpose is our greatest gift. Leave well enough alone.

However, I recently saw a related quote that disturbed me, so let's reflect: 

 “Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” ? —John Wesley

This basically says that sheer will power will get you anywhere you want to go. Never stop; never give up. What if it is impossible? Can one not waste a lot of effort on pipe dreams? John Wesley’s quote is based on Descartian metaphysics: The idea is parent of the action. But as I have said elsewhere on this Blog, if you are wrong here you are wrong all the way down. Double down until your creditor decides to break your legs—not a good plan as I see it. 

Wesley has it upside down. We do not get purpose by insistence. We receive it by getting out of the way. Purpose runs from the inside out, not outside in. Feeling precedes idea, which then fuse together to produce action. But subjectivity begets the action, not objectivity. We can do what we will, but not will what we will. 

Purpose is a combination of value, power, and possibility. If it is impossible, only will power can continue the effort. I have no intention of flapping my arms in all the ways I can, in all of the places I can, at all the times I can, for as long ever as I can. I do not expect to get one inch off the ground. There has to be a chance for success. Saying so will not make it so. Mind will not create success; it simply picks a best route. But it cannot turn stone into cheesecake, or arms into wings. Idea is not an agent. Mind is. But mind is not a substance. It is a spirit. Will and wisdom are in its domain, but mind can not override natural law. It just does the speed limit for a longer time. 

To come back to my purpose for this post, which involves the purpose of my book, I cannot rule out the possibility that something could come of this work. For sure we need it; the world is wobbling and losing its spin. But why me? I am just another name in voter registration. Because I cannot rule me out. When I took physics in college, the subject matter felt like what I am dealing with now. After all, my current subject matter is metaphysics—they must be related. In college physics I had no idea how to answer the questions, but would grasp a fleeting intuition, follow it out, do that on many of the questions, drag some of the others along for the ride, and end up with the top grade out of 325 people. That is not a nuclear physics degree from Harvard, but it is not last month’s yogurt either. 

So I can’t say that I can’t do this. And the problem is there. Seeing the problem is a step toward fixing the problem. You have to understand something well enough to grasp that it is not right. Perhaps we could even say that if one can see the problem, they have enough capacity to do something about it. In any event, we are looking for something like what John Wesley preached, but with teeth. 

So here is the point of this post. I do not back off of the metaphor that this is my Normandy Beach. I have no doubt that the world needs the answers we are seeking in the book. And like the physics class in college, I have a sense of intuition that we might try that trail over there. That is about as much as I can see now. I am reading the work from Hocking that guides us, and trying to make it my own song, so that I can genuinely sing it for anyone who cares. This is not easy. But this is not a totally new experience either. Metaphysics and physics for me feel the same way. So I keep reading and waiting. I think we can get there, and for sure what would be important. 

For any of you with a similar experience, keep plodding. This is not easy. Nor is it impossible. Someone needs to do it. Why not you or me?  Insight comes at its own pace, perhaps even when we sleep. Persistence gives it a chance to coalesce. I usually need six or seven reads to get the difficult stuff. Remember, Spinoza said that anything excellent is as difficult as it is rare. We can deal with rare, perhaps we can do difficult. For sure we can do six or seven reads.  And excellence, if any, can take care of itself. 

If one is going to fail, go down swinging. Nothing is worse than taking a third strike with the bat on your shoulder. An out is an out, but only one is forever—the one where you did not try. 


William Ernest Hocking is my favorite philosopher. We seem to meet half way out on the battle field, as our intuitions partially intertwine. Echos of my vaguely sensed realities follow the reading of his well thought out words. I have to watch trying to elevate him to transcendent because I have long experienced a void where God should reside. People elevate prophets, idols, and heros to gods because they can been seen.  God cannot be seen, but that does not mean He cannot be experienced. 

Hocking was born in 1873, in Cleveland, and raised in the Midwest. His roots were in things— trains, fences, surveying, mechanical engineering—before he changed to philosophy. He earned money as a school principal to pay for a doctorate degree in philosophy at Harvard after he shifted his attention to philosophy. Upon graduation from Harvard he taught at Yale, University of California, and then back to Harvard were he was Alford  professor of philosophy for the next thirty years. 

Hocking is not well know because he was an Idealist. He specialized in religion, but philosophy of religion asks questions, it does not espouse dogma. Hocking thinks; he does not preach. He discusses Christianity, but does not take it as an absolute. I do not even know if he considered himself Christian. For sure, he ends his writing talking about world civilization and  felt humanity needs to find common ground uniting most major religions. There can only be one God. There is not a pantheon. And this is an empirical issue, a yes or no, not something up for a vote. The bottom line here: Hocking is a philosopher, not a preacher. 

I am heading toward God these days as a requisite for effective living. This was more being pushed by my contempt for the arrogance of materialism and my alarming subjectivity about a bad moon rising, than by some personal observation of God. God is like quantum experience: He is not easy, you have to work hard to reach Him. But this is not due to lack of experience. It is how we organize the experience, the meaning we impute to it. With a shift in perspective, to subjective reflectivity, it all becomes clear. We need to open our minds, not our eyes. It is all about perspective, not perception. Quantum mechanics does not make sense; but there it is. It never goes away. That is not a bad metaphor for concept of  “open our eyes to the sky”. We need to open our minds to apparition, and open souls to what never leaves us. God is not just pop in occasionally on a mountain top. He is with us in every experience we have, which we then tend to take for granted. God sends and  we receive everything we experience. As subject, we are part of everything we experience in reality. But since God created reality, the I part of experience becomes a We. We are never alone. Experience is a communication. But just like we drop subjectivity out of the equation in dealing with reality because it is never not there, the same is true of God. Reality for us is never alone. God is the other half of what we call reality because he is reality. We are never alone, except by abstraction. Our arrogance keeps us from God, not our reason. 

But this is just me trying to understand these issues Hocking and I share together. And this is not god as preached by authority; it is God as known through experience. Hocking feels that a god we cannot experience is no god at all. He adds empiricism to faith, and gets there by working out the logic of subjectivity. Everywhere that I have been going in Republic, from the first chapter with Mises, to the second chapter of my own experience, to where I want to live the rest of my life, is quite what Hocking is all about. He saves intuition for empiricism much as Kant saved perception from subjectivity. According to Hocking, “Creativity is external deduction, while subjectivity is internal induction.” See why I love this guy? He is a guide on a path I can live with to a place I want to go. 

Hocking’s first book, The Meaning of God in Human Experience, was his first, and his most well read. He completed it in 1912, at the age of thirty-nine. It goes right to the heart of the issue, so this is where I shall begin this section. I have read all of his other works, but over a period of perhaps ten years, and it all needs review, even though most have been read several times. But one has to start somewhere, and if I make mistakes in tying these works together from this perspective, then so be it. Many conjectures will become empty as further review corrects error, but without establishing this beach head, no further reviews will be possible. This is D-Day. We will lose some troops. But the alternative is to take no bridges. 

So man the landing crafts because we are heading right into the eye of the storm. The Meaning of God in Human Experience, Part III and IV—my own Normandy Beach. 

New Web Page

"Bill’s Corner" is a new page on our website, which offers a second perspective on our “save the planet” project. Such a project would likely be pretentious, pathetic, and perhaps pitiable, if only it were not so real. Our group is small, but hope has to start somewhere. Any old garage might work. 

Second Book

I have added eighty pages to the second book, A Republic, if You Can Keep It. You can view the book as it is thus far by clicking on cover below. The text still needs editing, but the pages are pretty. 

Old times there are not forgotten

I had a best friend in childhood. From work-up softball on the playground in fourth grade to getting our first cars in high school, we were almost inseparable. Boy Scouts, Little League, Stanford games, I recall it as pretty good times.

Our divisions began to show up when Bob stopped playing baseball and football to concentrate on basketball. That was a good move for him because he ended up playing four years of major college basketball at the University of San Francisco, where Bill Russell and Casey Jones had just won two national championships. Also, his family moved from two blocks away to two cities away in our sophomore year, although he continued to attend Menlo-Atherton High school. 

I am only now learning how successful he was in his pursuits, as there was apparently more than changes in geography and team affiliations that drew us apart. We did busy together, not reflective. That might be normal for early teenagers, but families have philosophies, and mine was dead silent in that area. So perhaps Bob and I were more associates than confidants. For sure we never discussed conflicts. But living only two blocks apart facilitated doing lots of busy, together. And we shared sports. He got a basketball scholarship to USF, and I got a baseball scholarship to Cal Berkeley. 

So I probably never knew him on the inside very well. That concept would have made no sense to me. But reflecting back today, I can presume that he did not have the “untouchables” in his mind that I experienced in mine. My black market placement, being unaware of my lack of blood connection, not being actually adopted until age thirteen, and being lied to my entire life about this whole story, left me with many dragons locked behind closed doors. Off limits was never explicit. It was beyond explicit; after all the judge asked me in court at age thirteen whether I wanted to live with the Andersens or go to a boy’s home. I had a dog to take care of. I got the picture. No dragons here, anybody.

Bob was probably “normal” for dragons. He might have some. I could even guess what they might be. But mine were likely much bigger. Bob pursued the “good life” and became very successful at it. I did not know this until recently; our separation, bereft of mere logistics, had little else to bridge the gap. From inseparable to losing all meaningful contact is sad, but that is how it went. I can now see the reasons why, which produces the issues for this post. 

Bob played four years of college basketball. In his sophomore year he averaged sixteen points per game and was named Catholic All-American (USF, Georgetown, St. Johns, Marquette, St. Louis University, Creighton, etc.) But he had a knee injury in high school and re-injured it that sophomore year. So while he played basketball in his last two years of college, it appears his interests shifted. He became Junior Class president and in his senior year became the University’s student body president. I am impressed, and I had no idea about this until just a few years ago. I knew he was a good athlete, but not that he was also a good politician.

We once hiked seventeen miles together in the foothills behind Stanford but never talked about life and such, or my adoption. Bob is the only person I told about the adoption. I do not remember that he said anything about it at all. Twenty years later, and thereafter in our adult life, if I brought the issue up, I got the definite feeling that he did not want to hear about it. To me, that seems strange for friends. But there are things people do not want to hear about. War is one of them, and apparently families leaving their children on park benches is another. Some things are just not right. How would you feel if a mother bear decided to leave her cubs under a tree? It’s just wrong, isn’t it.? (Run an animal rescue; the stories are not pretty.) 

In high school Bob went steady with several girls. I do not know if that was typical, but it certainly seemed healthy. While I could date pretty much anyone in school—football captain, baseball captain, King of Sadie Hawkins week, and straight A student gives one options—no serious relationships developed. I was empty inside. There was nothing to connect with. All of life for me was pretend, except for ad hoc sports and being with my dog. Genuine was locked behind top secret, and I was not granted access—nor did I challenge that restriction.  

The Andersens purchased me so that Ann Andersen would not kill herself. She had undergone a hysterectomy at age nineteen, they were not approved by the state for adopting (I do not know why), and when they tried to adopt the foster child they took care of for three years, the mother wanted her back. Buying a baby appeared to be a solution to this predicament. When I was searching for my birth family, a source told me I had come from Tennessee. That may or not be true, but if it is, this mess gets more disquieting. Buying babies through the black market is illegal; Georgia Tann’s methods of obtaining children for her Children’s Home were criminal. She had a big profitable business, backed by corrupt government. Georgia obtained children any way she wanted, and was supported by a corrupt judge who would sign anything she put before him. Even kidnaped children were made “legal” with just a signature—they alleged negligence. She took children by fraud and force, not just because the mothers surrendered them. None of the blood relatives in either family of my adoptive parents ever broke rank with Stanley and Ann Andersen’s injunction that I never be told anything about my adoptive history. This was unusually tight control and makes me wonder if Georgia Tann was involved. Perhaps complicity with felony criminal charges could have been a worry. And it would have made a difference to me if I found out my birth mother did not willingly surrender me. The Andersens would not have thereby saved me from an orphanage, as they put it; they would have stolen me. That flag doesn’t fly. 

Bob pursued the “good life”: ocean side property in southern California, sailing the coast, almost a second home on Santa Catalina, the CEO of a large non-profit organization, social and business life with society’s elite, world travel, and a large attractive family. What’s not to like? 

I can view my life as one long effort to come to grips with sand being kicked in my face. That can be seen as a total waste of time. Or it can be viewed as a courageous effort to face truth, on a “Bridge Less Traveled”, meaning essentially different from most of society. That trip continues, it is my trip; and I wish to describe it, believing it to be courageous. 

Bob and I talked recently, in what was perhaps our final conversation. We have made contact in the past few years, likely as a way of saying goodbye to a part of our lives—sort of a summary of how they turned out. It was a different world back then, Studebakers, Kaiser-Frazers (Bob’s father had one), black and white TV, and party telephone lines. Bob and I can reminisce every few years for maybe an hour or so about the old days, but that is it. I called him recently, probably wanting to tell him how thrilled I was to finally feel that I understand the noxious issues of adoption. After all, almost everyone tells the adoptee that the people who care for him or her are the “real” parents. That statement itself points to the problem. Do biological parents go about affirming their genuineness? Should the coach not be worried when the General Manager affirms that he has complete confidence in him? Confidence is generally a given. It needs affirmation only when it is weak. We all know this without having to take a course in logic. Chicken soup, bandage changes, and soccer practice are also considered presumed. What's missing is honest. Quite simply, an adoptive family is not a normal family; nor is it just like a normal family. But normal is not a synonym for good, and real is not a prerogative of biology. An adoptive family is a real family, but a real adoptive family. And real is not a synonym of quality, truth is. Unfortunately, adoptive families paint over the colors with white, white lies if you wish, but none the less toxic. The cover up is always worse than the “crime”. Washington knows this. Police departments know this. Adoption has yet to learn this lesson. Only secrets and lies can make adoptive families unreal. But secrets and lies are emdemic in adoption. 

For me, learning this is the crowning accomplishment of my life. For Bob, I had just wasted my life refusing to think positive. He was disgusted. I have never felt better about myself. This is not fixable. We shall not likely talk again. The door, of course, always remains open for possible dialogue, but one does not draw to an inside straight, or borrow against future lottery earnings. Hope may spring eternal, but one does not bet the ranch on mere hope—it needs a tether to time and space. 

One of the points in this article is that some truth grows slowly. We may find a new element beyond lawrencium, and that will be a fact. But "fact truth" is not "meaning truth". The former we live with; the latter we live by. It becomes a part of our action field. A fact (lawrencium) can occur in an instant—as long as it takes a blip to show on a monitor. But it will be a long time before we make wedding rings out of it because it has to grow into association with objects of purpose or value, in this case love. Facts can be perceived, meanings have to be assembled. If it cannot be perceived, people do not know where to begin. Mind is the perfect example. Aristotle thought it was an abstraction, the guiding principle of life. Descartes thought it was its own substance. Today, the idealists, flirting with quantum physics, postulate mind as spirit. There are two kinds of people dealing with quantum physics: those who do not understand it and are right that they do not, and those who think they understand it, but do not. Probably there is a third group, those who know there is such a thing, but have no idea what it is. That is pretty much how it is with mind. We have been at it for at least two thousand years, and we still do not know whether mind exists in the world, or the world exists in mind. I rest my case. Some things take time to learn. 

I am going to compare mind to adoption. You cannot see either one. That always portends trouble. Neither is perceived; they are conceived. So should I be discouraged that after sixty years I have only recently felt comfortable with my understanding of the experience? Most people would think so; out of mind is not that hard to conceive. Address the issue once, and then let it slowly slip away out of importance. Instead of pondering my consciousness I should have done something useful or fun; there can never be too many Apps or bowling leagues.
It is a second point in this article to attempt to shed some light on problems in adoption. I have learned that nothing slips anywhere. My professional life picked its way ultimately to post-traumatic stress disorder. I did not get into medical school to work with mental problems. I probably would have gone into Internal Medicine, or today into General Practice, rather than into mental health. But I ended up in psychiatry, more specifically with
PTSD, and retired after seeing about 170,000 patient hours in out-patient groups and maybe 300,000 patient hours total.  I am not stupid; I can count. Almost every Vietnam veteran took about twenty years before realizing he had an issue that was not going away. Youth alone can always believe it will outgrow its problems, and a recent trauma can create hypotheses for alleviation that take time to discourage. At twenty, one thinks it will all go away. At forty, he realizes it is time to change approach.
Again, the invisible takes longer to get a leash around it. If you cannot see it, you cannot fix it.
PTSD does not show up on an x-ray. Tuberculosis had been around for millions of years, but only in 1885 was it shown to be contagious. Again, we cannot see bacteria. Today, of course, we are awash in the concept that perception is everything. If you cannot weight it, measure it, count it, you cannot use it. We through away subjective, i.e. what the world feels like looking out, rather than looking in. Empathy, intuition, feeling, hope, will, and wish are all not useable. It is hard enough to understand mind, without leaving out half the data.

We can wonder if the grass needs cutting, but answer that question by looking out the window. Nothing difficult there. What about the agency of mind? Does the mind actually push the bouncing pool balls of time/space? If you do not get this question right, you can spend a life time faking it until you make it. It gets more and more difficult to fake it with years of failure, but someone will always come along with a new push on this old swing. I always knew there was something wrong with me. Throughout early life the lack of correlation between an outside view of me and my inside experience was dramatic. The more lights shining on a particular experience,  the harder I had to press on the doors locked inside of me, and the less attention went to the issue at hand. 

The door used to flop open on me during high school. I had a Sunday clean up job at a grocery store in Los Altos. Los Altos is more picturesque than Menlo Park. It is in the foothills, not down by the bay. I knew of a pretty girl up the street from my house in Menlo Park. She lived above a small store. I presumed her family was not intact. She moved to Los Altos, I knew not how. But there in paradise she became my birth mother transference object. While I never spoke of adoption, and there were things in learning about my history that never clearly reached consciousness, the concept that I came from a broken home took root. A broken home would have been more dramatic than my sterile one. Ours was asphyxiated by the lies. Anything, even bad, would have been better than nothing. When I had finished my work and left for Menlo Park, still estranged, I used to get an extremely unpleasant feeling, perhaps like being buried alive. It was way too conscious. The feeling went away some time that day, and on Monday back in school I would think that perhaps at those times I was losing my mind. Surely this was another issue that I somehow should fix by looking away.

The world at school on Monday bore no resemblance to the horror of the feeling, and I never would have connected it in any way to adoption because that would have been a reach to begin with, but also because my get well plan was to never think of adoption. This is my family, that is not my family; repeat unto infinity. If did not work it was because I apparently was a mental invalid, maybe even a bad seed. As an experience this was a very big deal. As a reality, it was yet another part of me to lock up and lean against. 

This type of experience is one thing to have happen when I was alone, but having a door fly open while giving a speech or pitching a game would have been a disaster. Knowing that, of course, means that in any of those situations you have to think about what you do not want to think about and at that point defeat is assured. An elephant with an X drawn on it is still an elephant. 

I kept the adoption ideas out of consciousness as much as I could, which meant that I would never deliberately think about it, and if somehow it came up, typically in the form of my birthmother, I would threaten myself with “crimes against humanity” for being so selfish as to think about myself when I would hurt my adoptive mother. I, of course, did not know anything about her suicidal ideas when they got me, but intuition never gets completely smothered, and one would have to be brain dead not to pick up on everyone’s concern. This was a complete taboo subject, requiring a top secret family clearance, and punishable at the level treason, espionage, or apostasy. A private world, locked in virtual solitary confinement, does not sponsor a lot of social diplomacy—perhaps like today’s CIA. 

The quest for wholeness continued, as my focus in medicine shifted, I got into psychoanalysis, one of the couch driven five times a week deals, and chose psychiatry as a specialty. It was becoming an obsession and kicking up nothing but a cloud of dust. But everything is not about wanting to kill your father and marry your mother, as Freud insisted. Psychoanalysis was the gold standard of therapy in the 1960s. Today it appears to be a rather sad heap of hypotheses to escape the meaninglessness of materialism. What is the point of discussing wishes if they are nothing more than than the misinterpretion of the push of atoms as personal choice? More directly, if there is no purpose in the universe, then there is no purpose in therapy either. We played word games. It was not me or Sigmund Freud who was going to enact the purpose, we are both, of course, parts of the universe; it would be the conflict-free part of the ego! Call it a hot fudge sundae if you like, but doing so will never bequeath it a purpose. 

I had my “never think about adoption” phase, whereupon the issues were supposed to just drift away. That lasted about thirty years. I must have been in a cosmic air pocket; nothing drifted anywhere, except me. My inner self remained unchanged; psychology offered me nothing. I heard about adoptees searching for their birth parents, which was new in this country, and it gradually drew me into the movement. I knew there was something wrong with me. Outside and the inside did not match, and the inside was impeding optimal performance. Good for me, I knew there was a problem. That is not why I am proud of my quest. I am proud because it ended in new hypotheses with which to address the problem. Something original has been added to the universe. 

Having tried the gold-standard therapy for more years than I care to admit, and having surveyed the rest of the field, I turned to the reunion movement as if the issue was some sort of life trauma. But the reunion movement gets trapped in its own metaphysics also. For them the answer is finding your birth mother and filling the empty space inside with either information or love. You need to know your ancestry, what your father did in the war, or what your mother did at corporate headquarters. Of course you want and need to know the story of your relinquishment, which even if it is biased, might relieve you of some misplaced sense of responsibility. Better, you and your birth family can set up a secondary family to fill in the holes left by the first. Relinquishment is viewed like a vitamin deficiency that can be cured with information or love. 

But information cannot even fill metaphorical holes. So your mother left you because she was too young to care for a child. She still left you, or her parents left you, or the country drafted you to save the planet. Consequences still happen. True they can be given different meanings, even after time, but they cannot be erased. Meaning has no effect on consequences. Consequences do not care. 

I have never seen today's love fill a void from yesterday. And there is another problem. Is your birth mother going to tell you she just did not want the trouble of a new child, or that she had a hot boyfriend with whom she wanted to travel the world? Why would she be more honest than anyone else? We approach here the determining issue of adoption, and it may not be pretty.

The issue that answers for me the noxiousness of adoption is not that one’s mother gave you away. That is like a romance. One gets over it. You cry, you let go, You find another love. And it is not a lack of medical history. Just live a healthy life; what more can you do anyway?  The smoking gun for my insight on adoption, which occurred only six months ago, was the realization that at Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings of the Andersens, until I was age twelve, I was the only one in a room of  twenty people who did not know about my “adoption”. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That is what we swear to in court. With this group I got lies, nothing, or nothing but lies. 

The issue here is truth (and secrets). Truth is what you give to someone who you view as an end in themselves. Lies are what you say to those you view as means. I received nothing but lies, or nothing, and there is little spontaneity in relationships when suppressing important  truths. Conversations become guard duty. Any other time is always a better time. Who wants to tell a child that his mother preferred to give him away? They dress it up in pretty. “She loved you so much she gave you away.” People actually say that!  If it is supposed to be pretty, it is painted in stupid. 

People adopt when the cannot have their own children. Adoptions are not special; they are damage control. There are exceptions, but not many. When people tell you the adoptive parents are real parents, the statement is meaningless out of context. Are they real with respect to to kidney transplants, society, “meeting requirements” (my father’s perspective), legal aspects, or emotional connection? The statement itself is gratuitous in “real” families. It comes out of one’s mouth tagged as a lie. Real speaks for itself. No one questions real parents if they are "real" parents.  My father once told me that he always treated me as if I was his real son. How would it have sounded if I had responded that I always treated him as my real father?

The words of the Andersens said they loved me but their actions spoke otherwise. Feed pretend, demand genuine, and fault me for the difference. I do not care why my mother did not keep me. I do not care what my father did in the war. But I do care that everyone in early life lied to me. I had no blood relatives, and the adoptive relatives excluded me from family business. Not much security there. I asked my father what would have happened to me if they had died before I was adopted (the adoption occurred when I was thirteen). He guessed I would have gone back to the orphanage. Not a lot of wagons to circle there. So emotionally I was essentially alone. But one can adapt; trust dogs, and get your own wagons. The danger here is suppressing one’s intuition and holding on to the lies. Not having a valid family is fixable, but you have to actually fix it. Empty is the price of inaction.  

One loses confidence in his subjectivity when always having to swim against the lies. Social situations are tracked better by common sense than scientific study. You can't dance if you can't hear the music. There is no dance at all without the music. I had to play along with the lies at the expense of my personal sense of truth. Whatever we call this subjective perspective, it is a practiced art. Ignoring it is leaving out all the meaning, feeling, and purpose of your experience; basically, the sound track of your life. Man does not live by facts alone. 

Finally, we do not create feelings out of nothing. They are the experience of our response to events, incipient actions if you will. They are a dance of input combined with output getting ready to go on stage (in the real world). This means that from one point of view, there is more reality in a feeling/idea complex than an idea by itself. Finding your lost dog involves more reality than adding two plus two, or two million plus two million. So feelings, being connected to reality, give us more information than ideas alone. To lose it, subjectivity, is to become a puppet. Dogs have it easy. They carry a lie detector behind them all the time. If they are wagging their tail, they like you. If they are not, they probably do not. (There is a different kind of wag, but you will know it when you see it—and should get out of their way.) Does a dog feel the attraction? Probably. Fortunately for him he can prove it to himself just by checking his tail. I do this for myself now. We all have vestigial tails. I pretend that I can feel my tail, and I ask myself if it is wagging. Yes or no. It will be right almost all the time. We are built to continue living, interfacing with reality helps us do that, and reality has more substance to it than illusion or fantasy. We want to approach reality because there will always be ways to use it for benefit, and we ignore things if they are empty. This is built in, like why puppies will eat biscuits but not leaves.
The point here is that we cannot generate feelings like we generate actions. Feelings are signs, they are not creations You can do what you will, but not will what you will. You motivate a football team by getting rid of those who are not motivated. Purpose is contingent on feelings. You can act interested as long as you want, but it will never make you interested. Purpose is not habit. It is instinct, ultimately, trying to stay alive. The Andersens fed me leaves and wanted me to wag my tail as though they were biscuits. And they faulted me for failing. Lets get this right here. We do not create feelings. They are the result of reality touching us from outside and stimulating in us the possibility of an action that will increase our ability to survive. Pure and simple. (Or at least as simple as we can make it.) 

Dishonesty kills relationships, suppresses intuition, wastes creativity, fosters apathy, and keeps us from reality. If reality is a conversation with God, then lying challenges our entire existence. Violence may be more dramatic, but is more obvious and can be more easily avoided. Dishonesty is a stealth scourge, perhaps mankind's most dangerous. While it may not have killed as many people as violence, it likely has destroyed more relationships. Fortunately for dogs, they do not have to deal with it.  

What I hate most of my adoption is that they gave me pretend and expected genuine in return. We do not create something out of nothing. We create it out of reality. Lies are not reality. 

Consequences require action. PTSD is an insult waiting for a response. Open the door and have a response for the dragon and it can no longer ambush you. It does not fix the past, but it clears a path for the future. You are more free to pursue your purpose, but more restricted in what that purpose can be. If Bob feels I have wasted my life by not looking away from events, and I feel as though finding the toxic element in adoption is my crowning accomplishment, then game over. I am going to have to learn that I cannot fix everything by imaging myself master of my mind. 

People in my childhood would have been happy if I threw away intuition and painted my mind as though idea was feeling. And Bob would have been happy if I could have createded candy and nuts out of ifs and buts. But we cannot manufacture love and would lose purpose in the effort. So my choice today is keep the purpose and cut relationships, or fake a purpose until it somehow becomes real. The problem is that my purpose is on the bridge less traveled,  which means that most people and I will have little in common. Bob and I at this point have no basis for a relationship. He does not want to read my book, and I do not want to sail to Catalina. He has been very successful in his career. I am impressed. But he thinks I have wasted my time. We have had our day together; it is past. In writing this article I see that we were never all that close together. Mainly it was that we just lived two blocks apart. Close means caring for each other as ends. It at least means taking a look at your best friend’s book. Bob will never read my book. I will never go to Catalina. It is not even sad that we are no longer friends. It is only sad that we are no longer young. We were in the same town, but not on the same side. 

Play the dirge. I am okay with that. The consequences have been addressed, which largely is seeing the world unlike most other beings. But the other side of alone is adventure. Not swimming with the other fishes is where creativity happens. 

As far as PTSD goes, the veterans returning from the middle east are all going to face these problems. They will hope everything just goes away, while it does not. That takes time. I am guessing twenty years. And then fixing it requires finding new relationships to replace almost all of those you left when you went overseas
—yet another reason to put it off. This entails a lot of hard work. I would never want to go through all the work again to fix the issues; but also would never want to go back after having arrived at a place with purpose, truth, and maybe even conversation with God.

This is all based on metaphysics. Bob and I lived in the same town, but he wore blue and I wore gray. Here are the sides: Idealism versus Materialism. 

1. Idealism (which is not about ideals, but rather ideas) says that matter is created by spirit —i.e. consciousness is the absolute. They point to the fact that a causal sequence cannot start itself. It has to come from somewhere, and that would be spirit. And it implies that there is a God and that immortality is possible. 

2. Materialism says that ideas derive from matter. Matter is the absolute, spirit and mental are just abstractions or functions. The corollaries are that there is no God, there is no purpose or meaning, and death is final. 

These differences produce different people. Humanity becomes the religion of the materialists, and they focus on today more than tomorrow. Power measures success, and velocity and motion measures power. Meaning is whatever power says it is. The world is static except for the echoes of the one cause that started it. The clock is running. And though this is awkward for them, all of our sense of purpose is merely an illusion, because the world is causal and cause is not conscious. The danger is a lot of action signifying nothing.  

Idealists have a God, they presume a purpose in the world, they do not think death must be final, and they look more to the future in what they perceive as an unfinished world, in which it becomes their purpose to create and improve. We are seen as partners with God in an ever improving world based on love, defined as finding value and preserving it. Take your time, do it right, add your part.  The danger is a lot of nothing, simulating action. 

We can grasp the abstract concepts, which seem to carry their weight in logic. It is a bit harder to come down out of the clouds and see how this shows up on planet Earth. But it is not that hard. All of us can sense the shades of this dichotomy—Atticus Finch and Gordon Gekko offer poetic examples of these people, and compassion at the expense of efficiency versus efficiency at the expense of compassion suffices for the abstraction. But neither position works without the other. Compassion is a component of efficiency. 

The bottom line, at the end of this train of thought, is that we come to realize that truth and God could be related. And if they are, then lies get between us and God. Nothing can be more destructive to us than that, perhaps not even death itself. 


Metaphysics Primer

We need a seismic shift in our view of the world if we are going to survive. Metaphysics is not a plaything for intellectuals unable to walk in the rain; it is ground zero in the attempt to establish truth about the nature of the universe. I call it our Los Alamos Project, intended to establish the basis of mind. 

We cannot build a structure without knowing the materials we build with. Mental bricks can be used to design a building, but not to live in one. Ideas do most of their work in the future, not in the present. 

People simply do not consider metaphysics today. We live in a world of “science”, which is built upon perception. If you cannot see it, hear it, touch it, etc. you can ignore it. This position was a reaction to imagination run wild. When angels, arks, gods, and celestial harps began to crowd each other out, we needed some method to separate real from imaginary. Evidence-based data became the tool, i.e. it gets to us through a sense organ, not simply from imagination. Science was born, God was dethroned, and materialism promised a path to immortality by studying cause and effect. Today that immortality lives in cryonics and DNA analysis. We just have to find out which gene causes our senescence, and turn it over to Monsanto. 

In our quest for the holy grail we threw away spirit. Spirit carried the day throughout all of mankind’s history, until the renaissance. Since then materialism, the concept that all of the universe is made out of matter, has prevailed. Everything is made out of atoms, quarks, muons, electrons, force fields, or warped-space strings. The smallest or primary substance becomes the absolute.  Whatever that is, it lives in time and space, i.e. sequence and distance. 

Spirit, when we considered it, could live in a different realm, although we have a pressing tendency to reduce that to time and space. Hence God could live in some far away galaxy, or we might conceive him as being everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Ideas, like spirits, appear to live outside of space and time. One can imagine crossing the universe ten times as quickly crossing it once.  Materialism, however, cannot allow such travel, because ideas are built out of things. It is one world, in one space, following one time, and containing nothing but (metaphorically speaking) bouncing billiard balls, and billiard ball ideas. 

That view, maintained by materialists and scientists, creates a world that leaves several major problems:

1. A causal system says that everything that happens today is caused by whatever happened yesterday. Cause begets cause, and so on infinitely. The problem here is that the system can never get started. If it all started with the Big Bang, then what caused the big bang, etc. There is no ultimate answer, and therefore people simply look away. We should be able to make sense out of the basic step in our fundamental theory!

2. The second problem is that there can be no purpose in the universe. Basically, everything is pushed from behind. No pool ball can strive to go into one pocket rather than another. Guided missiles can be programmed to self adjust to a target, but they do not want to go there, care if they miss, or worry about the morality of the mission. We can simulate behavior as viewed from the outside, but not experience as lived from the inside. Feeling, value, meaning, and purpose are all missing—the very things that matter in life. To science we are simply complex reflex arcs. 

3. There is no consciousness, nor any meaning or values. There is no explanation for anything, because an explanation is an attempt to assign meaning to an experience. But the attempt to assign meaning entails purpose, to which the universe is not privy. Even the scientist's statement that there is no purpose defeats itself, because that statement carries no truth if it was determined solely by random chance. Truth has to be sought. Chance entails no intent. 

4. The supernatural does not exist, which also entails no other spaces or times , although mentally we can conceive of other spaces and times, and non-Euclidian geometry can work with other spaces. There are no miracles or supernatural beings. All is some sort of energy exchange, going nowhere, meaning nothing, and aware of nothing.  The only consciousness, if it exists at all, would belong to human beings. When will we stop seeing ourselves as the center of the universe?

Causality makes for a neat theory, but no one in the world is going to throw away his or her sense that he or she acts purposefully. Science, after four hundred years, is beginning to step on its own tail. It makes a mockery out of experience. It substitutes humanity for a higher being. Intuition gets trampled by perception. Purpose is consigned to consumption. And when the sun cools everything will disappear as though it never happened, or maybe because it never did happen. Who or what would be around to tell the difference? 

If it all means nothing, then living for spot pleasures makes some sense. The problem is that spot pleasures are not sustaining. Johnny Manziel parties in Las Vegas because he wants to “live life to the fullest”. What is the fullest about Las Vegas?  In a causal world, perhaps one should grab for everything; nothing means anything anyway, so distraction might be the best approach. But spot pleasures just breed more spot pleasures and all end up at the same place—not being enough. If there is purpose in the universe then finding one's place in it would seem to be important. If it makes sense to find our purpose and do it, then Las Vegas gets in the way. It is hard to believe that the most important thing to do on this planet is to have fun. That appears to be the refuge of the ignorant. 

Purpose or fun, there are problems either way. Too many parties becomes boring, too difficult a purpose entails pain. The existential dilemma is that satisfaction is probably proportional to the difficulties involved in overcoming resistance. Our sense of well being is contingent on our perception of our tenacity. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Looking at the possibilities for our metaphysics we have three, maybe four, options: 

1. Dualism,  the dominant position today, says there are mental and physical substances, and they interact with each other both ways. 

2. Materialistic monism believes that everything is constructed from little somethings bouncing off each other. This is science. There is no place for purpose and no place for God. 
3. We can have a triadism of mental, physical, and spiritual. Spiritual enters as a fundamental component, irreducible to something physical. It entails consciousness and will. Mental is the design department (perhaps reducible to physical), physical the factory, and spirit the artist. Mental and physical involves the how, when and where; spiritual involves why and what. In this position we bring back something like a soul, however, we are not so quick to abdicate it to a supposed superior authority. Once we admit spirit, it is hard to believe there not is a higher one. We have creative capacities, but only when supplied with the materials. God apparently creates the materials, including us. We live on delegated authority. 

4. We might have options not yet considered. 

There appears to be a dualism, but of physical and spiritual, not physical and mental. We postulate spiritual (consciousness) as a fundamental entity in the world, akin to gravity and electromagnetism. Human beings would thus be part spirit and part body. This is not just wishful thinking. Quantum mechanics backs us up. We must construct a new theory. It is frightening how little psychology has  progressed in the past three hundred years. We just throw up ideas against the wall  and hope they stick. Cognitive theory leaves out everything that is not abstract, i.e., anything we call real. Imaginary pies do not a Thanksgiving make. Imaginary pies do not even a diet make.

Is there anyone out there who believes sensitivity training is going to do anything other than give a reprieve to the offender, or that anger management does anything except meet requirements for those wanting an option other than incarceration? There is no energy in these programs, only ideas. Change requires feelings, not just thought. But these programs are cheap, and favored by government. Also, materialism has its agents to disparage belief in a higher power. There are people who profit from usurping God. 

My point here is to question why we have so quickly thrown away spiritualism? Real men today are supposed to just suck it up and make way for the next generation. It is not working. Without a God there is no purpose in the world. Human beings are not exempt from that restriction. The sun will cool and the whole human endeavor will disappear, to have meant nothing, and to never have been noticed. And we embrace this program for what reason?

When one bothers to think about these things, it is far less simple than we assume. Humanity at this point seems to have no workable model for mind. Actually, we have gotten nowhere in two thousand years. People do not know this because they believe what they are told, but that is simply turning your life over to our handlers. That would be the Federal Reserve, a private corporation which is committing the biggest fraud ever perpetrated in history. It will take down much of the world when it fails. These counterfeiters profit from materialism because it separates the individual from truth, which turns men into sheep. Without a God we are simply going to end up in a war for supplies. Production will collapse. This cannot end well. 

Pressure is applied to comply with materialism, although certainly not to the extent that other countries have turned to that approach; the Soviets gutted their country of religion, and the Third Reich was Germany uber alles. But coercion is not the only issue. The other issue is the inherent difficulty in understanding what we are. Our mind is set up to gaze outward, not inward. We grasp the inside better through intuition than perception; but we are all scientists today, not mystics. So we discount intuition. My intuition, for exam;ple, suggests there is a higher power. I cannot see anyone surviving without one, and I do not view this approach as merely defaulting to wishful thinking. Feelings are thoughts connected to reallity. Intuition should count more than perception, not less. Are we once again raising a dust and then complaining we cannot see? And if God is spirit, then part of us would have to spirit to understand him. We cannot see spirit, but we can certainly feel it. Perhaps that is Godspeak. Why would He speak English (or your language of choice)? Perhaps we should learn His language.

There are ways to add reason to faith. We simply have to do that. Faith alone is too tenuous. Our intellect is there for a reason. 

The course we are on now will blow up. Adding intuition to perception is a start. We need a higher power, and we need to connect to that higher power, although not through paid intermediaries, but as individuals. This is ground zero in a survival plan. Quantum mechanics suggests new metaphors for new psychologies, and metaphysics is not simply a way to avoid getting into the fray; metaphysics is the fray. If there is no purpose in the world, then eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. But if there is a purpose, then we likely play a part in it, and if that is true, I certainly do not want to be spending my time sitting next to a pool in Las Vegas. If purpose and pleasure are our options, don’t bet on pleasure. Even in Vegas.  

A Local Story

Michael Sam has been presenting himself as “football only” since the draft, and it is hard to see what Oprah has to do with football. She would appear to be a conflict of interest. Also, Sam says he wants to be great. Well, we all want to be great, but there are limits. Throwing harder was never going to turn my 75 mph fastball into a 95 mph one. Impossible goals are the worst kind to have, except for having none at all.

But it might not be a good thing for Sam to stare at football for three straight months, and he should probably aim at being the best he can be, rather than aiming at great. Ideas are cheap; they can cause us to over reach. And poise works better under pressure than adding more pressure. Trying to hit home runs just chases them away. 

Oprah might offer the balance Sam needs. Time away from the game should be useful, even when football is the priority. Football is not everything, nor is it, as Lombardi said, the only thing. People actually do things between Superbowls. Life goes on. And it has a rhythm: day and night, wake and sleep, active and passive, focus and forgetting. We do not want to lose track of the big picture. Too much focus leaves too little meaning, which leaves too little purpose.
Also, if Sam does not do the documentary, he will simply be distracted because he did not do it. The Oprah issue remains either way. People can never simply not think about something. One has to remember what not to think about, which involves remembering it. We get away from things, like football, by turning to other things we care about, not by pretending to not think about what we are trying to forget. Oprah is a totally different experience, perhaps the perfect escape from two-a -day drills, and running into offensive linemen. Sam faces a unique situation with this documentary, no matter what he does, and it probably requires a unique response. 

I think the Oprah show would, on balance, facilitate Sam’s chance of making the team. We can try too hard. Things can mean too much. Pro football might be the perfect example of that. There is life independent of the Lombardi trophy. There was even for Coach Lombardi. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing. 

Gilbert Ryle*

Metaphysics is neither abstract nor obtuse. It is the opposite of these predicates. Metaphysics is where we live, the home of meaning, motivation, and purpose. Of course with materialism there is no meaning or purpose in the world, just pool balls as far as the eye can see, which apparently would be beyond infinite, since expansion never ends. We give lip service to such a world view, but no one lives accordingly. Life is purpose, ours, doing what matters to us--intentionally, passionately, and effortfully, through our ability to create.

We may pray to the god of materialism on Sunday morning, but we do what we want on Sunday afternoon–just like most religions. Intellectually, “we raise a dust, and then complain we cannot see.” Experience, not perception,  is the core of our existence. We know when a person is anxious, we can feel it with them. It is not necessary to measure pupillary dilatation or blood pressure. 

But experience is a slippery sucker, to quote Vivian Ward in Pretty Woman. It is more than the pieces of sensation. It is experience with a wider lens, including perceptions, but also the meaning of such perceptions and the integration of the pieces into a workable whole, subtended under action. The Denver Broncos, for example, are more than orange and blue colors, a mile high stadium, linebackers, and  good ownership.  They are all these things and more, working together to win games, which also integrates lives, generates pride, and celebrates our effort. Experience is ourselves viewed from the playing field, not observed from the stands. It is also union in effort with others, and perhaps with something greater than us.  

Having said the above, I believe that as we fashion our own metaphysics, it is important to ground it in personal experience. Metaphysics is not something one reads in a book. It is something we leave behind in our finest hours, to be savored in all the others. Without a map we do not know where we are going. Without a metaphysics, we have the same problem. Perhaps the name itself is misleading. Maybe “raison d’etre”  is more descriptive, the French adding a touch of mystique. Metaphysics is where we live. It is what we are. If it existed in time and space, we would find it in our hearts, not our heads. 

Pursuant to this, Gilbert Ryle has been a part of my life experience for many years. I was  impressed with his concept of a category mistake, which is largely applying physical attributes to abstract concepts. The example I have carried over the years is that of a boy standing on the estuary with his father saying that he sees the ships but not the navy. His error is that the navy is the ships in action, not another literal, perhaps larger ship.  The essence of the mistake is applying attributes of a less abstract level to a higher one.

We do this all the time, most often without  adverse consequence. Can you run to the store? That question does not literally mean running. Blood does not boil, cupboards do not run dry, and skies do not get angry. Generally we understand what is intended in such comments. But not always. The boy looked for a bigger ship, Descartes looked for a pineal gland, and materialists look for the non-perceivable cause of perceptions, i.e. the thing in itself. The latter two are category mistakes, and not just poetic descriptions. Descartes was looking for the fulcrum between mental and physical in the pineal gland; materialists are looking fo the cause of perceptions from the thing in itself, which paradoxically is not capable of being perceived. These are gross errors, capable of supporting nothing but rainbow bridges.  

We get almost all of the important concepts of metaphysics wrong. Our makeshift metaphysics is probably a consequence of materialists looking for the holy grail in sub-atomic particles. If all things in this cosmos are necessarily matter, then everything can theoretically be observed and filed under natural law. Therefore mankind might eventually solve all its problems, grasp immortality, and be free maybe to text each other all day long forever. We might have to work a day every now and then just for contrast. There would be an app for that. 

We ignore metaphysics and grow flabby as a result. Berkeley shows that there is no substance out there sponsoring our perceptions. Perceptions are all we get in time and space. Matter has no first cause. Something has to cause it first. See the problem? What can cause the first cause other than prior cause, which then becomes first cause, and so on infinitely. Creation can only be caused by purpose and purpose can only be caused by spirit. The end. 

Berkeley disproves matter, Kant demotes time and space from things to concepts, Ryle eliminates mind as a substance. “To be just a memory in the back of my mind” remains a memory but not “in” or “at the back” of anything. There are just thoughts in non-space, following rules of reason and experience. But they become no less critical because they lack substance. They remain paramount because we are hybrids, actions in time and space that leave histories. We create, we reside, symbiotic processes that require each other, but which are incomplete separately. A mind can think, but not without something to think about. As an acorn becomes a tree, so we create by means of a process of thought that crystalizes through action. Real is shared. Thoughts are private. We share the real, which are the footsteps of this creative process. Mind as thinking lives outside of time and space. Mind as action lives in time and space. It need never stop creating but only to the degree that it produces real, which is fixed and dated. Trees grow, leaves fall.

Apparently the whole point of the cosmos is about sharing consciousness. It is not hard to abstract to the essence of life as a process of shared creativity. What else is there but association with other beings that we care about? The activities vary; the together never does. 

So much for metaphysics. I want to address here with  Ryle just one of the category mistakes we mistake—that of mind as a thing. Concept works, matter does not. Descartes saw both mental and things, the mind being something like another vital organ. Descartes thought the pineal might be that organ, organizing behavior like the pituitary gland regulates the body. Today we most frequently stick mind into brain. Psychologists, to earn their scientific keep, point to behavior. Philosophers cogitate about function. But mind is not an organ, behavior is not a thought, and functions are not intentions. Mind is all that, yet more. It is also agency. Everyone leaves that out. They have to because agency implies purpose and in a materialist world there is no purpose. Blind chance builds it all. Mind without agency, i.e. the ability to produce concrete change in the physical world, is useless and redundant. We could throw it away and never miss it. Mind is Photoshop run by the hardware of the brain, but Photoshop cannot act. It requires an operator.

If you never think about metaphysics then likely you have simply deferred to the dominant social view. That view is Descartian. Religion probably does not much figure into this because religion does not rule out mental agency. Several months ago when I reread Ryle’s description of Descartes’ dualism, I was impressed and thought perhaps everyone should memorize his summary. So when I started to talk about Ryle here I simply typed his comments in dutiful admiration. However, in reviewing them today, they appear to have a much more colloquial perspective than I realized. He is trying to show that mind does not reside in space. Believing that it does would be to commit a category mistake. So far, so good. Descartes postulates two substances in the world, mental and physical. This means that we assume mind lives in space and time. It does live in time; it is the author of it; but it cannot live in space. Ryle basically transforms mind into behavior. Like the Navy, mind is the body as a whole in action. Ryle appears to be a behavioralist and feels we must, like scientists, draw on the hard data of observation. In my opinion, psychology has run this into the ground. All mental actions are not reflected in observable behavior. If I think about my grade school, my thoughts can run run from the bag of dimes found at the dairy near the school, to the tether ball poles, or Jim Sorenson’s baseball bat, and none of this will show in my behavior. One can tell a lot of what someone else thinks by what they do, but an enormous amount of mental data is private. Behaviorism throws away more data than it keeps. But that is not the critical issue. Agency is at stake. Mental is supposed to somehow directly affect physical. When I wish my arm to move, it moves. How does that happen? Frankly, no one has a clue. Only causes affect things in the world, and wishes cannot move objects. If  “if’s" and "buts” were candy and nuts we all would have merry Christmas. But, alas, someone has to pay the bills. The major issue is agency. Ryle addresses the substance issue. So I am not as impressed with his summary, but it is still worth reading.

Gilbert Ryle, from The Concept of Mind: 

"The official doctrine, which hails chiefly from Descartes is something like this. With the doubtful exceptions of idiots and infants in arms every human being has both a body and a mind. Some would prefer to say that every human being is both a body and a mind. His body and his mind are ordinarily harnessed together, but after the death of the body his mind may continue to exist and function. 

Human bodies are in space and are subject to the mechanical laws which govern all other bodies in space. Bodily processes and states can be inspected by external observers So a man’s bodily life is as much a public affair as are the lives of animals and reptiles and even as the careers of trees, crystals and planets.  But minds are not in space, nor are their operations subject to mechanical laws., The workings of one mind are not viewable by other observers, its career is private. Only I can take direct cognisance of the states and processes of my own mind . A person therefore lives through two collateral histories, one consisting of what happens in and to his body, the other consisting of what happens in and to his mind The first is public, the second private The events in the first history are events in the physical world, those in the second are events in the mental world. 

It has been disputed whether a person does or can directly monitor all or only some of the episodes of his own private history; but, according to the official doctrine of at least some of these episodes he has direct and unchallengeable cognisance. In consciousness, self-consciousness and introspection he is directly and authentically apprised of the present states and operations of his mind. He may have great or small uncertainties about concurrent and adjacent episodes in the physical world but he can have none about at least part of what is momentarily occupying his mind. 

It is customary to express this bifurcation of his two lives and of his two worlds by saying that the things and events which belong to the physical world, including his own body, are external, while the workings of his own mind are internal. This antithesis of outer and inner is of course meant to be construed as a metaphor, since minds, not being in space, could not be described as being spatially inside anything else, or as having things going on spatially inside themselves. But relapses from this good intention are common and theorists are found speculating how stimuli, the physical sources of which are yards or miles outside a person’s skin, can generate mental responses inside the skull, or how decisions framed inside his cranium can get going movements of his extremities. 

Even when ‘inner’ and ‘outer’ are construed as metaphors, the problem how a person’s mind and body influence one another is notoriously charged with theoretical difficulties, What the mind wills, the legs arms and the tongue execute; what affects the ear and the eye has something to do with what the mind perceives; grimaces and smiles betray the mind’s moods and bodily castigations lead it is hoped, to moral improvement. But the actual transactions between the episodes of the private history and those of the public history remain mysterious, since by definition they can belong to neither series. They could not be reported among the happenings described in a person’s autobiography of his inner life, but nor could they be reported among those described in someone else’s biography of that person’s overt career. They can be inspected neither by introspection nor by laboratory experiment. They are theoretical shuttlecocks which are forever being bandied from the physiologist back to the psychologist and from the psychologist back to the physiologist. 

Underlying this partly metaphorical representation of the bifurcation of a person’s two lives there is seemingly a more profound and philosophical assumption. It is assumed that there are two different kinds of existence or status .What exists or happens may have the status of physical existence, or it may have the status of mental existence. Somewhat as the faces of coins are either heads or tails, or something as living creatures are either male or female, so it is supposed some existing is physical existing, other existing is mental existing. It is a necessary feature of what has physical existence that it is in space and time; it is a necessary feature of what has mental existence that it is in time but not in space. What has physical existence is composed of matter or else is a function of matter; what has mental existence consists of consciousness, or else is a function of consciousness.

There is thus a polar opposition between mind and matter, an opposition which is often brought out as follows. Material objects are situated in a common field, known as ‘space’ and what happens to one body in one part of space is mechanically connected with what happens to other bodies in other parts of space. But mental happenings occur in insulated fields, known as ‘minds’, and there is, apart maybe from telepathy, no direct causal connection between what happens in one mind and what happens in another. Only through the medium of the public physical world can the mind of one person make a difference to the mind of another. The mind is its own place and in his inner life each of us lives the life of a ghostly Robinson Crusoe. People can see, hear and jolt one another’s bodies, but thy are irremediably blind and deaf to he workings of one another’s minds and inoperative upon them. 

What sort of knowledge can be secured of the workings of a mind? One the one side, according to the official theory, a person has direct knowledge of the best imaginable kind of works of his own mind. Mental states and processes are (or are normally ) conscious states and processes, and the consciousness which irradiates them can engender no illusions and leave the door open for no doubts. A person’s present thinkings, feelings and willings, his perceivings, rememberings and imaginings are intrinsically ‘phosphorescent’; their existence and their nature are inevitably betrayed to their owner. The inner life is a stream of consciousness of such a sort that it would be absurd to suggest that the mind whose life is that stream might be unaware of what is passing down it.

True , the evidence adduced recently by Freud seems to show that there exist channels tributary to this stream, which run hidden from their owner. People are actuated by impulses the existence of which they vigorously disavow; some of their thoughts differ from the thoughts which they acknowledge, and some of the actions which they think they will perform they do not really will. They are thoroughly gulled by some of their own hypocrisies and they successfully ignore facts about their mental lives which on the official theory ought to be patent to them. Holders of the official theory tend, however, to maintain that anyhow in normal circumstances a person must be directly and authentically seized of the present state and workings of his own mind. 

Besides being currently supplied with these alleged immediate data of consciousness, a person is also generally supposed to be able to exercise from time to time a special kind of perception, namely inner perception or introspection. He can take a (non-optical) ‘look’ at what is passing in his mind Not only can he view and scrutinize a flower through his sense of sight and listen to and discriminate the notes of a bell through his sense of hearing; he can also reflectively or introspectively watch, without any bodily organ of sense, the current episodes of his inner life. The self-observation is also commonly supposed to be immune from illusion, confusion or doubt. A mind’s reports of its own affairs have a certainty superior to the best that is possessed by its reports of matters in the physical world. Sense-perceptions can, but consciousness and introspection cannot, be mistaken or confused. 

On the other side one person has no direct access of any sort to the events of the inner life of another. He cannot do better than make problematic inferences from the observed behavior of the other person’s body to the states of mind which, by analogy from his own conduct, he supposes to be signalized by that behavior. Direct access to the workings of a mind is the privilege of that mind itself; in default of such privileged access, the workings of one mind are inevitably occult to everyone else. For the supposed arguments from bodily movements similar to their own to mental workings similar to their own would lack any possibility of observational corroboration. Not unnaturally, therefore, an adherent of the official theory finds it difficult to resist this consequence of his premises, that he has no good reason to believe that there do exist minds other than his own. Even if he prefers to believe that to other human bodies there are harnessed minds not unlike his own, he cannot claim to be able to discover their individual characteristics, or the particular things that they undergo and do. Absolute solitude is on this showing the ineluctable destiny of the soul. Only our bodies can meet. 

A necessary corollary of this general scheme there is implicitly prescribed a special way of construing our ordinary concepts of mental powers and operations The verbs nouns and adjectives, with which in ordinarily life we describe the wits, characters and higher-grade performances of the people with whom we have do, are required to be signifying tendencies for such episodes to occur. When someone is described as knowing, believing or guessing something, as hoping, dreading intending or shirking something, as designing this or being amused at that, these verbs are supposed to denote the occurrence of specific modifications in his (to us) occult stream of consciousness,. Only his own privileged access to this stream in direct awareness and introspection could provide authentic testimony that these mental-conduct verbs were correctly oir incorrectly applied. The onlooker, be he teacher, critic, biographer or friend can never assure himself that his comments have any vestige of truth. Yet it was just because we do in fact all know how to make such comments, make them with general correctness and correct them when the turn out to be confused or mistaken, that philosophers found it necessary to construct their theories of the nature and place of minds. Finding mental conduct concepts being regularly and effectively used they properly sought to fix their logical geography. But the logical geography officially recommend would entail there could be no regular or effective use of these mental conduct concepts in our descriptions and prescriptions for other peoples minds."

Rocks can run into other rocks. But a mental concept can only run into a contradiction. There is no substance to mental, and as a corollary, there is no agency. 

We are headed for a tripartite model of metaphysics: mental, physical, and consciousness. Mental is the guidance system, physical is the engine, and consciousness is the will. We need all three. Materialism has no need for consciousness; in fact, it rules it out. But we are conscious. Is this just a ruse on the part of nature? It is hard to believe that natural selection is such a prankster. We raise a dust and complain we cannot see. Perhaps we should listen. 

Schopenhauer thought music was the language of God . That might not be quite right, but if he did not believe so, he should have. And I would agree with him. If experience is communication with God, music might be the soundtrack. People think there is music in heaven. That means there would be a piece of heaven here on earth. But music is just a means. Shared creativity is the end. (And it always entails a cost.)

There’s no intention worthy of mention
if you never try              
so hang your hopes on rusted-out hinges
take ‘em for a ride.  
                                       —Gin Blossoms    

Marching Orders

Here are my marching orders for this work. 

William Ernest Hocking:

“The notion of survival haunts the dark corners of modern consciousness like an uneasy ghost, having no place in the day’s business nor in the counsels of state-building sciences. In philosophy, it has the status of an inheritance finding residual attention as a last chapter, an appendix, a footnote to other matters.

Just on this account its position as religious dogma is of primary importance; for here a faltering yet vital human concern most needs the considered respect and guidance of racial insight. This responsibility, requiring newly living perspectives as human experience alters its outlooks in other fields, is today largely evaded or mummed by religious institutions caught timorously in their ancient imagery. This imagery which taken literally is obnoxious to the sounder instincts of mankind they are seemingly reluctant to translate while rightly unwilling to abandon survival as a total casualty in the path of scientific advance. 

In this impasse, philosophic thought, however hesitant, must enter as an interpreter beginning with a clarification of the meanings of death and life as they confront one another. With these meanings in mind, we may in due time open the ultimate issue of possibility, in the light of the sciences as well as that of prophet and poet, spokesmen for the intuitions of the race.” 

The topic of immortality sits like a charity invite to the table of modern reason, if it is invited at all. In our pretentious scientific perspective ("ask your doctor if your heart is strong enough for sex") we presume to have a pipeline to truth through evidence-based data (perception—largely sight and sound) while intuition and subjectivity are relegated to the antiquarian status of fairy tales and lightening bolt throwing gods.  The locker room mentality of today’s leaders advocates the following approach to death: “Do not waste time thinking about death; live well the time you have, and forget that it ends”. 

Derision, disdain, and loss of government contracts awaits those who "waste time" on it. But it does not go away; it simply goes behind. I am not a philosopher. I almost wish today that philosophy had been my career. It seems to be where the actions lies, for that certainly is not in psychology. Instead, I became a physician, where largely I treated patients with post-traumatic stress disorder. One hundred and seventy thousand patient hours in combat related group psychotherapy taught me that dragons only chase us when we run. 

Intuition and the above hours convince me that we do not just waste time on death and the possibility of immortality. Understanding of these issues might be impossible. However, William Ernest Hocking’s admonition on purpose does not ask whether something is possible, but only whether it needs to be done, and if the finger of responsibility points in your direction. 

Well then, this issue becomes simple. We may not be able to understand death and the possibility of immortality, but we must try to do so. Apparently no one else cares about it. So we risk ridicule, confront the difficulty, and simply do our duty. Doing so carries its own rewards. 

Berkeley Five

The previous passages capture most of what Berkeley has to offer. He eliminates the concept of matter and replaces it with spirit. This changes nothing in the way we approach reality in this world, but it is very counterintuitive. Most of the rest of his work here addresses our resistence to this idea. The Dialogue between Hylas and Philonous does so specifically, and I very much recommend it. Hylas explains the concepts to Philonous, which is essentially Berkeley explaining it to us. And this is pretty much all of us. So, we already have the big stuff, but it might not be clear what difference it makes. 

The difference is life or death. Before materialism every society had a god or gods. This is a division of labor. Government no longer is everything. David and Goliath is no longer a sure bet with God in the picture. God allows hope. God suggests purpose. God gives meaning. Otherwise it comes from the executive branch of government and their handlers. There is no reason to fight if it is hopeless. That means there is no reason to try, and if consciousness is a genuine force in itself, no reason to experience it. Game over. 

We are playing in ‘game over’ mode now. It is still not too late to rewrite metaphysics—to get back to God. If we do not, the name of the game becomes Greed, and the winners will become Lord of the Carbon Deposits. Matter is a category mistake, our tendency to treat abstract items as literal, i.e. the navy as an actual ship or mental as an actual place. It then can become anything or everything, and does. 

A legitimate use of abstraction is to file the spiritual world under the class of “purpose” and the material world under that of “cause”.  It is incredibly disruptive to view the world as merely causal. If flies against all our personal experience. Everything we do we feel is done by intent. We are not pushed to go play basketball, or drive to the lake; we do so because we want to. With Berkeley’s approach we do not have to hide the most prominent thing about our experience. Not so with materialism. The latter leads to a ghost in the machine, something in mental that carries purpose, with levers that mechanically affect the outside world. We pass the buck to a gremlin.  Psychoanalysis, which overran its license for explanation, viewed mental and physical as both causal systems, in the middle of which lived the “conflict free ego”. What else could that be but a homunculus living in a non-place of purpose. Why not just use us? How could they not see the folly? Why can we not see the folly about leaving purpose to subatomic particles? They are supposed to be the reason we go to the game or the lake. How do they do it, flip coins? Einstein could not stand for that, “God does not play dice with the world”. Sorry, Albert, but there is no place for God in your world or your thinking. It’s all particles. So purge your thinking: It all means nothing; dust to dust, ashes to ashes. Live with it. 

But we can’t. And we shouldn’t. Materialism, science, asks us to throw away experience. What else is purpose other than experience? We all stand up together and say we are pushed everywhere we go, but no one believes that. And no one acts consistent with that. If you take out subjective, what is left, rocks?  

But Berkeley’s clean up work is necessary reading. It addresses our resistence, and illustrates his sensitivity. We will move more quickly through his work here and touch what strikes me as the highlights. You should get his writings. The Cambridge Texts on the History of Philosophy has all his works in one volume. A Treatise Concerning the Principles of Human Knowledge, and Three Dialogues between Hylus and Philonious are the ones you want. It is not philosophy. It is life. 

25. All our ideas, or the things which we perceive, by whatsoever names they may be distinguished  are visibly inactive; there is nothing of power or agency included in them, so that one idea or object of thought cannot produce, or make any alteration in another. To be satisfied of the truth of this there is nothing else requisite but a bare observation of our ideas. For since they and every part of them exist only in the mind, it follows that there is nothing in them but what is perceived. But whoever shall attend to his ideas, whether of sense or reflexion will not perceive in them any power or activity; there is therefore no such thing contained in them. A little attention will discover to us that the very being of an idea implies passiveness and inertness in it, insomuch that it is impossible for any idea to do anything, or strictly speaking, to be the cause of anything; neither can it be the resemblance or pattern of any active being as is evident from Section 8.  Whence it plainly follows that extension, figure and motion cannot be the cause of our sensations. To say, therefore, that these are the effects of powers resulting from the configuration, number, motion, and size of corpuscles must certainly be false. 

Mental and physical exist on different conceptual levels and to treat them as both substances will result in absurdities. Mental can envision, but it cannot produce; and this is not changed one wit by a government edict, such as the Veterans Administration, which mandates that post-traumatic stress disorder will be corrected by proper thinking. 

35. I do not argue against the existence of any one thing that we can apprehend, either by sense or reflection. That the things I see with mine eyes and touch with my hands do exist really exist, I make not the least question. The only thing whose existence we deny is that which philosophers call matter or corporeal substance. And in doing of this, there is no damage done to the rest of mankind who I dare say, will never miss it. The atheist indeed will want the color of an empty name to support his impiety, and the philosophers may possibly find, they have lost a great handle for trifling and disputation. 

I love the way he puts this, and he adds the dimension that people can profit from materialism. Basically, materialism eliminates spirit, including God, which results in a void that government eagerly will attempt to fill. Printing presses always help in that endeavor. And they never step down gracefully. 

36. If any man thinks this detracts from the existence of reality of things, he is very far from understanding what has been premised in the plainest terms I could think of. Take here an abstract of what has been said. There are spiritual substances, minds, or human souls, which will or excite ideas in themselves at pleasure; but these are faint, weak, and unsteady in respect of others they perceive by sense, which being impressed upon them according to certain rules or laws of nature, speak themselves the effects of a mind more powerful and wise than human spirits These latter are said to have more reality in them than the former, by which is meant that they are more affecting ,orderly, and distinct, and that they are not fictions of the mind perceiving them. And in this sense, the sun that I see by day is the real sun, and that which I imagine by night is the idea of the former. In the sense here given of ‘reality’, it is evident that every vegetable, star mineral, and in general each part of the mundane system, is as much a real being by our principles as by any other. Whether others mean any thing by th term ‘reality’ different from what I do, I entreat them to look into their own thoughts and see. 

37. It will be urged that thus much at least is true, to wit that we take away all corporeal substances. To this my answer is that if the word ‘substance’ be taken in the common sense, for a combination of sensible qualities, such as extension solidity, weight, and the like, this we cannot be accused of taking away. But if it be taken in a philosophic sense, for the support of accidents or qualities without the mind, then indeed I acknowledge that we take it away, if one may be said to take away that which never had any existence, not even in the imagination. 

Nothing changes practically in our “real world”. We still step out of the way of trains and cars, and do not try to eat imaginary apples. But, also, if we go home that night and reflect on the day, we do not pay homage to the quarks. We give credit where credit is due, and do not try to play god or assign it to others. To coin an aphorism: If we do not look up to something, we will fall for anything; and someone will always be around to offer it. Alternatively, those without a god will tend to act like one. 

A Miracle on 34th Street

We can write until the sun cools and nothing will change except the number of pages. It is chalk talk, not taking the field. If the 21st century is going to be the one about consciousness, then we need to find its place in external reality. It is fine for me to outline a strategy, and without one it is probably impossible to get anywhere important, but getting there counts too. To make a difference my work here needs a miracle. An example of conscious effort making a difference would do, and it need be something more than raising one’s arm. People need to sit up and take notice.
Miracles must appear to be out of reach. Just getting out of bed should not constitute one. Hocking is my favorite philosopher, and one of his aphorisms is the approach that one does not ask if it is impossible, just whether it needs to be done, and if the finger of responsibility points to you. The answer is yes and yes for my rescue critters. Too many marathons have reduced my mobility to that of a slug. The dogs need to be walked, water needs to be changed, stairs engaged efficiently, in addition to other things like rekindling a basketball function once considered sacred. For me to walk effectively again, on my terms, not that of some medical assembly line (following intuition here), would be a miracle. It certainly would impress me, and an effective jump shot from fifteen feet would draw some attention on the court. 

Standing between me and a miracle is fifty pounds. It sits there like the pyramids, no matter what meal or food group I skip. I do not use a scale, but basically, going from what is probably about 200 lbs down to 150 might be the jump start to make this all happen. I will be too thin, but this is about mobility, not aesthetics. And it is entirely a function of will. Will is entirely a component of consciousness. The Vatican does not care if I get there, but there is work in tandem here about helping the dogs, revisiting the court, and pursuing the goal of finding purpose in a causal world. The effort for mobility and writing converge. This is two birds with one scone. Theoretically I am wondering if gathering dispersity produces some critical mass. One cannot simply reduce the majesty of a miracle, i.e., all are winners and all shall have prizes, but one must dare to dream. The impossible sounds like a good place to start. Hocking thinks so. 

So, hand in hand, weight loss and theory shall march forward. Impossible be damned! Dogs and teammates demand it. Let’s try a diary approach here (for me, not the blog). It will get tedious, but so is all data gathering. We are studying the invisible. What is the trigger than converts concept to action? It sounds like a quantum thing, i.e., that it simply jumps, outside of time and space, to another orbit. We will be thinking and starving, if that is possible. And if it is not, who cares? It must be done and the finger points to me. Maybe it is the impossibility itself that bridges conception and action. Well, in that light, we have enough of it around. I will be wowed, if nothing else, except thinner. The 700 (cal.) club sounds good, and little add on items sound verboten. Next train to Gastroville at 6 pm.