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Dialogue Room

Macarthur Park

New work in the new book. Click on cake for pages 344-361

The Latest

This site started out as a place to access books online. That seems to be a safe process now, as it is not necessary to download anything. One can just read the pdf which is probably like viewing something on Youtube. 

It has reverted to its roots, as all of my effort lately is going into the second book. That has its own issues, but all pretty interesting; and for whatever its worth, the process moves along consistently. For the latest work, click on the picture below. Pages 238-344 are now all dressed up for the dance. 


This article from three years ago has a particular relevance today with the National Football League problems: 

DemographicsPosted on Tuesday, October 25, 2011 7:11 AM

Mises envisions a world with no boundaries to employment. People simply go where they are most efficiently engaged regardless of boundaries. This might sound unreasonable because of people's idealogy of nation states, but there is no natural attraction simply because they occupy the same geography. Nor is blood the determining thing. Geography and genetics cannot insert purpose; only spirit can do that. We may not know what our basic premises are, but we have them and they are not part of our biology. We act on what we believe  and feel, not where we live or what we eat.   

Monarchies used to be the dominant form of government. The king was thought to be chosen by God and treated as such–until he wasn’t. But monarchy is an idea, not a social requisite. It has largely been replaced by respresentative government or secular autocracy. Employment practices can change too. They will have to and we will have to adjust to it, or we will blow ourselves up. 

I get that no one will quite accept that premise, but then people do not naturally run out the logical consequences of their metaphysical beliefs either, and thus they consistently run off the road. Mises has thought it through. We must make choices in life, Carolina or California, not merely make wishes. If we want world peace we will have to accept open borders for trade and employment. Pick one: awkward conversations or nuclear winter. 

The picture to this post is not from a love of soccer. I will never appreciate the game. But I am beginning to lose appreciation for American football. Michael Vick executes dogs, Albert Hanesworth stomps on players heads, and these guys are making twenty million dollars a year. What do we celebrate here, transcending physical limits or mere physical violence? A whole team’s success can be one fifteen-yard penalty away from total collapse. This is not a game any more; it is getting closer to what games are designed to avoid–a fight to the finish. Every professional American football player knows his next play may be his last. Are we becoming more civilized or is this just gladiators with face masks?  

 International soccer is a much bigger sport than American football. Maybe it is better. Maybe America celebrates violence to reflect its military presence in the world. Maybe I will develop an appreciation for soccer. No, there are limits to the last possibility here; the best I might be able to do is rekindle an appreciation for the sacrifice fly. 

Interestingly, the book for which this site exists is about ten times more popular outside the United States than inside it. People visit the site from all over the world. China and Japan access it regularly, as does Western Europe. Russia, Ukraine, Latvia, India, Israel, and the Arab Emerites all have been there. The main point of this site is to offer a download of the book (Requiem). I assume that some of the people who visit actually do that. Some of them in the Netherlands appear to do it a lot. The site has been accessed over 3000 times from Huethuysen, Netherlands. I do not think they are just listening to the soundtrack. 

Can a person draw any inference from these observations? Perhaps not, but one has to wonder about the nature of metaphysical ideation in different cultures. We gain meaning from our belief systems, and meaning drives our behavior. Ideas may not provide the energy, but they direct it. Know thyself is about more than knowing one prefers football to soccer. It is about knowing the reasons for that preference. Could it be that the United States is a bit full of itself? Is that why we are in everyone's business? We attack preemtively now. Obama is celebrated for his drone attacks. This does not look good. American football reflects it. Perhaps we should cut the pretense. Our money says on the back of each note "In God We Trust". Maybe we should change that to "In the Federal Reserve We Trust". If we are going to play God, we should at least know that is what we are doing. 

Chapter Five, Part Two

Part Two 

This book is not a course in metaphysics. It is more like a dialogue in being. We are not learning things. We are learning about ourselves, and in the process hopefully becoming more effective people. I ran group therapy for more than thirty years. People never caught on to the major premise. We employed it, but they failed to grasp it intellectually. The concept itself is pretty simple, but it addresses our recent issues, which are not simple. The rule for group was that they talk about whatever was on their minds, but at some point we stop and reflect on what they had been talking about. This is the issue about not what we look at, but what we look with, a quantum-like concept.  We would do this, and apparently it worked, as well as character development programs can work, although it never became autonomous for the group members. They kept looking at content instead of process. 

  So while we are in a new section of this book, we are not in a new section of ourselves. We are the absolute of our own experience, part of it anyway. We are not just memorizing here, we are, hopefully, becoming more real. Pursuant to that I want to reflect a moment on society getting confidence backwards, as mentioned in the previous chapter. Perhaps in this situation we become like the group members and fail to make the metaphysical shift in our personal cameras, for I still wake up in the morning to issues about the nature of confidence and performance. In some ways that should not be surprising. Thirty years ago I wrote an article on the perils of positive thinking. This is not a new issue to me, but apparently, also, not a settled one. 

I recently heard a football coach on television saying that he thought his team could beat the opponent coming up the next Saturday. I do not recall the teams at this point, but this team was not favored in the game, and the reporter was addressing that issue. As soon as the coach said he “thought” they could win, he changed that comment to he “knew” they could win. Just what had flashed in his mind that so quickly changed his conviction? Had he suddenly learned that his starting quarterback had been cleared to play, or that the bus of the opposing team had crashed? There is no information in those few seconds between “I think” and “I know” that could have factored into that decision. 

So he just made it up. Confidence at this point is therefore no longer an accurate an assesment of the teams actual chances to win, but rather a paid political announcement designed to influence the actual game. The coach lies. This does not improve his chances of winning. He might win because of the way the ball bounces, or because he made a mistake in his initial assessment, but not because he pumped up his confidence. Confidence is a concept, not an agent.  

I ran marathons I did not improve my time by telling myself to run faster. I did it by training harder. Marathons are good petri dishes for studying effort. Telling yourself at mile fifteen that you are going to pick up the pace is good for about four hundred yards, and then you fall back to the best pace your training will allow you to run. Will power, on its own, can make some difference in pure effort situations, but not much. And trying harder on skill activities decreases performance. A player does not get out of a batting slump by swinging harder. He gets out of a batting slump by resolving the conflicts that are causing him to be distracted. 

The confident coach simply says he thinks they can win next week. That is honest. He does not know, the ball can bounce any way it wants. He only plays the confidence card when he is worried. That is when he is not facing the facts. It is closing the door and painting it pretty. We know when we do that, and it simply emphasizes the point that we are about to head into a situation for which we are not prepared. Anxiety and duplicity do not lead to victory. Hard work does. As Bobby Knight said, “The will to win is not nearly as important as the will to prepare to win”.  It is good to have Coach Knight on our side here. 

Confidence is not an ingredient in the cake; it is a result of having baked it.  Behavioral theory says that emotions are a product of actions. As we act, so shall we feel. So the objective view concludes that saying will become believing. But from the subjective perspective a person knows he is lying for effect. And he knows that he does not do this about things he is confident about, like driving a car to work. A person only whistles past graveyards when he is passing a graveyard. He only lies to himself when he is afraid. Who is he going to trust here, the psychologists or his common sense?  Berkeley had it right about raising a dust. F. H. Bradley had in right in saying that metaphysics is the art of finding bad reasons for what we believe on instinct. No one wants to be treated as a thing, which is what lying to them entails, and no one likes beng afraid, which is what might cause them to lie. And in this situation the same person is playing both sides. When you are digging yourself into a deeper hole, stop digging.  Materialists have to see that behavior causes emotion; they have nothing else other than matter and motion to explain it. Spiritualists (idealism) postulate consciousness as a valid force in the world. Here, emotion causes action. Both cannot be right. Your choice between these two positions determines the color of your life. Materialists view mind as made out of matter. Idealists view matter as made out of mind.   It is a Carolina/California situation. Know where you want to go. 

 The absolute is where questions end and mind can come to rest. The big bang theory does not satisfy questions about the origin of the universe. It discourages them. Asking what caused the big bang simply continues the infinite regress. We all tire out. But saying God created heaven and earth makes sense. A spirit can create things. A mind can rest there. 

Things cannot create themselves. Force fields and cosmic dust do not bring the questions to an end as a result of answering them satisfactorily. They come to an end because we look the other way. Absolute cannot arise from begging the question. It comes from making sense, not constructing a thesis. 

Confidence is not an agent in an action; it follows the result of the action. Confidence cannot be sought on its own accord. It lives only in connection with initiative. It is a product of the completion of a behavior, not a substance in the production of it. Confidence follows the enactment of purpose. Confidence and happiness are similar, in that pursuing them individually pushes them away. Both are reactions to the result of action, not the cause of it. And action is the result of purpose. But purpose without real is day dreaming. Viable purpose can only be experience in connection with the whole. Growing better gardenias is not sustaining unless it can be correlated with a broad view. Meaning finds its end only in connection with the Absolute. This means that stuff like happiness and confidence are not to be sought individually, but as part and parcel of a life lived through connection with something greater than us. And that something cannot be simply a force. In has to be a spirit; only a spirit has consciouness. I do not mind saying God here, because that is the only workable position, but with actions lately in the name of religion it is hard to hitch one’s wagon to any specific religion. Better to stick with a personal relationship to God.  We obtain confidence and happiness indirectly by following our purpose as experienced as individuals with the Absolute. That absolute is not a concept. It is a being. It is God, who has his own ends and his own purposes. God is not here to help us win the lottery. Pay a soothsayer for that. The universe is doing something, and we will not be satisfied without aligning ourselves with that purpose. There either is such a Being or there is not. But there can be no happiness or confidence without One. We all know that, intuitively.

                                                                           *  *  *  *  *

In Part Two we are out of the frying pan and into the fire here, with some metaphors thrown in. We leave looking at the reflexive position and move to studying the destiny of feeling. This does not get any easier. But then life is not a beach.

Chapter Five

Click picture for pdf file of Chapter Five, (unfinished):  
                 Updated August 31, 2014: September 27, 2014

Introduction for Book

I have chosen to follow wherever the wind takes me, rather than stick to a predetermined course. In the process, sociology changed into metaphysics. It seemed necessary to start at the beginning, rather than somewhere in the middle. 

We simply cannot live in a world that does not make sense. For example: 1) How can a causal system ever get started, when the beginning itself needs to be caused? 2) If space simply expands into more space, does it never end? 3) If all of our actions are caused, why do we think we act on purpose?  We simply look the other way on these issues, which is an untenable position for anyone seeking the truth. How do we explain our world without explanations?

 Also, I seek to claim a legitimate spot for subjectivity in a world gone overboard on objectivity. Half the story is not good enough. Personal experience becomes a part of the story, because objectivity is merely an abstraction of the whole. Leaving out emotion to focus on perception is not scientific advancement. It is flying the plane on autopilot with the pilot asleep. Our ability to destroy the world is exceeding our capacity to control ourselves. Counting to ten or idealizing communication is not going to work. We need instruments and pilots. It is a quantum world today; we need a quantum psychology.


What people need today is a god they believe to be real. Dinosaurs make it hard to think the world started six thousand years ago. The ark seems like too big a project, the flood appears vindictive, and Jonah could never get into a whale, let alone back out. We would DNA test Jesus today, and there is no video tape of the resurrection. Case dismissed. 

To keep faith it appears we have to sacrifice science. Worse, we also have to throw out reason, and, finally, toss out common sense (and with that perhaps God). 

Space is not the last frontier—Mind is. Perception is not just a passive process of receiving signals. It is much more complicated and points to an active process at both ends. We cannot see God. Perhaps we are looking in the wrong place. We focus on what we look at, but perhaps need to focus on what we look with. Reality includes both. Reality defines empirical. But reality in perception is active at both ends, and we only attend to the passive. Perhaps another Copernican revolution awaits our understanding of what we look with. Both are experience. Both are reality. Maybe we will find God by inference. Subjectivity is no less real than objectivity. We cannot perceive “things in themselves” any more than we can perceive God. But experience is the ultimate arbitrator. We are after total reality, not simply an abstraction of experience (i.e. external perception). 

We either know God, or we have no god. Better in the latter case to hang on to things, rather than merely ideas. But experience is every bit as real to us as perception. So before we settle for ashes to ashes, let’s look at all the information we have. Maybe we simply raise a dust and then complain we can not see. 

Everything is riding on this bet. We can either experience God with a certainly comparable to that which we view a tree in the front yard (or better, since the tree is not so certain), or we crash and burn.  

End in Sight

The following perspective, although my words, is not original. I meet it half way. It is both mine and not mine. I think it is correct, and if so, it is the means to our ends. The rest of this work will simply be implementation.

"Space, time, cause, and Thou (other) are not constituents of perception; they constitute perception. They are the focus through which we perceive. Reality is the communication system for spirit. Everything is not just time/space lumps; everything is communication. And if communication, then purpose; and if purpose, then God."

This position has a pedigree, so be careful to simply dismiss it offhand. You will be throwing out Berkeley, Kant, and Hocking.  

Third Strike Rules

There have been no stunning accomplishments in my life. I won no championships, sat in no legislature, and saved no whales. My life has been markedly unusual, but not markedly successful. That could change; unusual pushed long enough can become creative, but time is running out, and fame or fortune are no longer even goals. 

So why has it become so important for me to push for the completion of this book? I don’t want to go on Oprah, or visit Belgium. I can reflect on that but am not going to question it. Purpose is our greatest gift. Leave well enough alone.

However, I recently saw a related quote that disturbed me, so let's reflect: 

 “Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” ? —John Wesley

This basically says that sheer will power will get you anywhere you want to go. Never stop; never give up. What if it is impossible? Can one not waste a lot of effort on pipe dreams? John Wesley’s quote is based on Descartian metaphysics: The idea is parent of the action. But as I have said elsewhere on this Blog, if you are wrong here you are wrong all the way down. Double down until your creditor decides to break your legs—not a good plan as I see it. 

Wesley has it upside down. We do not get purpose by insistence. We receive it by getting out of the way. Purpose runs from the inside out, not outside in. Feeling precedes idea, which then fuse together to produce action. But subjectivity begets the action, not objectivity. We can do what we will, but not will what we will. 

Purpose is a combination of value, power, and possibility. If it is impossible, only will power can continue the effort. I have no intention of flapping my arms in all the ways I can, in all of the places I can, at all the times I can, for as long ever as I can. I do not expect to get one inch off the ground. There has to be a chance for success. Saying so will not make it so. Mind will not create success; it simply picks a best route. But it cannot turn stone into cheesecake, or arms into wings. Idea is not an agent. Mind is. But mind is not a substance. It is a spirit. Will and wisdom are in its domain, but mind can not override natural law. It just does the speed limit for a longer time. 

To come back to my purpose for this post, which involves the purpose of my book, I cannot rule out the possibility that something could come of this work. For sure we need it; the world is wobbling and losing its spin. But why me? I am just another name in voter registration. Because I cannot rule me out. When I took physics in college, the subject matter felt like what I am dealing with now. After all, my current subject matter is metaphysics—they must be related. In college physics I had no idea how to answer the questions, but would grasp a fleeting intuition, follow it out, do that on many of the questions, drag some of the others along for the ride, and end up with the top grade out of 325 people. That is not a nuclear physics degree from Harvard, but it is not last month’s yogurt either. 

So I can’t say that I can’t do this. And the problem is there. Seeing the problem is a step toward fixing the problem. You have to understand something well enough to grasp that it is not right. Perhaps we could even say that if one can see the problem, they have enough capacity to do something about it. In any event, we are looking for something like what John Wesley preached, but with teeth. 

So here is the point of this post. I do not back off of the metaphor that this is my Normandy Beach. I have no doubt that the world needs the answers we are seeking in the book. And like the physics class in college, I have a sense of intuition that we might try that trail over there. That is about as much as I can see now. I am reading the work from Hocking that guides us, and trying to make it my own song, so that I can genuinely sing it for anyone who cares. This is not easy. But this is not a totally new experience either. Metaphysics and physics for me feel the same way. So I keep reading and waiting. I think we can get there, and for sure what would be important. 

For any of you with a similar experience, keep plodding. This is not easy. Nor is it impossible. Someone needs to do it. Why not you or me?  Insight comes at its own pace, perhaps even when we sleep. Persistence gives it a chance to coalesce. I usually need six or seven reads to get the difficult stuff. Remember, Spinoza said that anything excellent is as difficult as it is rare. We can deal with rare, perhaps we can do difficult. For sure we can do six or seven reads.  And excellence, if any, can take care of itself. 

If one is going to fail, go down swinging. Nothing is worse than taking a third strike with the bat on your shoulder. An out is an out, but only one is forever—the one where you did not try. 


William Ernest Hocking is my favorite philosopher. We seem to meet half way out on the battle field, as our intuitions partially intertwine. Echos of my vaguely sensed realities follow the reading of his well thought out words. I have to watch trying to elevate him to transcendent because I have long experienced a void where God should reside. People elevate prophets, idols, and heros to gods because they can been seen.  God cannot be seen, but that does not mean He cannot be experienced. 

Hocking was born in 1873, in Cleveland, and raised in the Midwest. His roots were in things— trains, fences, surveying, mechanical engineering—before he changed to philosophy. He earned money as a school principal to pay for a doctorate degree in philosophy at Harvard after he shifted his attention to philosophy. Upon graduation from Harvard he taught at Yale, University of California, and then back to Harvard were he was Alford  professor of philosophy for the next thirty years. 

Hocking is not well know because he was an Idealist. He specialized in religion, but philosophy of religion asks questions, it does not espouse dogma. Hocking thinks; he does not preach. He discusses Christianity, but does not take it as an absolute. I do not even know if he considered himself Christian. For sure, he ends his writing talking about world civilization and  felt humanity needs to find common ground uniting most major religions. There can only be one God. There is not a pantheon. And this is an empirical issue, a yes or no, not something up for a vote. The bottom line here: Hocking is a philosopher, not a preacher. 

I am heading toward God these days as a requisite for effective living. This was more being pushed by my contempt for the arrogance of materialism and my alarming subjectivity about a bad moon rising, than by some personal observation of God. God is like quantum experience: He is not easy, you have to work hard to reach Him. But this is not due to lack of experience. It is how we organize the experience, the meaning we impute to it. With a shift in perspective, to subjective reflectivity, it all becomes clear. We need to open our minds, not our eyes. It is all about perspective, not perception. Quantum mechanics does not make sense; but there it is. It never goes away. That is not a bad metaphor for concept of  “open our eyes to the sky”. We need to open our minds to apparition, and open souls to what never leaves us. God is not just pop in occasionally on a mountain top. He is with us in every experience we have, which we then tend to take for granted. God sends and  we receive everything we experience. As subject, we are part of everything we experience in reality. But since God created reality, the I part of experience becomes a We. We are never alone. Experience is a communication. But just like we drop subjectivity out of the equation in dealing with reality because it is never not there, the same is true of God. Reality for us is never alone. God is the other half of what we call reality because he is reality. We are never alone, except by abstraction. Our arrogance keeps us from God, not our reason. 

But this is just me trying to understand these issues Hocking and I share together. And this is not god as preached by authority; it is God as known through experience. Hocking feels that a god we cannot experience is no god at all. He adds empiricism to faith, and gets there by working out the logic of subjectivity. Everywhere that I have been going in Republic, from the first chapter with Mises, to the second chapter of my own experience, to where I want to live the rest of my life, is quite what Hocking is all about. He saves intuition for empiricism much as Kant saved perception from subjectivity. According to Hocking, “Creativity is external deduction, while subjectivity is internal induction.” See why I love this guy? He is a guide on a path I can live with to a place I want to go. 

Hocking’s first book, The Meaning of God in Human Experience, was his first, and his most well read. He completed it in 1912, at the age of thirty-nine. It goes right to the heart of the issue, so this is where I shall begin this section. I have read all of his other works, but over a period of perhaps ten years, and it all needs review, even though most have been read several times. But one has to start somewhere, and if I make mistakes in tying these works together from this perspective, then so be it. Many conjectures will become empty as further review corrects error, but without establishing this beach head, no further reviews will be possible. This is D-Day. We will lose some troops. But the alternative is to take no bridges. 

So man the landing crafts because we are heading right into the eye of the storm. The Meaning of God in Human Experience, Part III and IV—my own Normandy Beach. 

New Web Page

"Bill’s Corner" is a new page on our website, which offers a second perspective on our “save the planet” project. Such a project would likely be pretentious, pathetic, and perhaps pitiable, if only it were not so real. Our group is small, but hope has to start somewhere. Any old garage might work. 

Second Book

I have added eighty pages to the second book, A Republic, if You Can Keep It. You can view the book as it is thus far by clicking on cover below. The text still needs editing, but the pages are pretty. 

Old times there are not forgotten

I had a best friend in childhood. From work-up softball on the playground in fourth grade to getting our first cars in high school, we were almost inseparable. Boy Scouts, Little League, Stanford games, I recall it as pretty good times.

Our divisions began to show up when Bob stopped playing baseball and football to concentrate on basketball. That was a good move for him because he ended up playing four years of major college basketball at the University of San Francisco, where Bill Russell and Casey Jones had just won two national championships. Also, his family moved from two blocks away to two cities away in our sophomore year, although he continued to attend Menlo-Atherton High school. 

I am only now learning how successful he was in his pursuits, as there was apparently more than changes in geography and team affiliations that drew us apart. We did busy together, not reflective. That might be normal for early teenagers, but families have philosophies, and mine was dead silent in that area. So perhaps Bob and I were more associates than confidants. For sure we never discussed conflicts. But living only two blocks apart facilitated doing lots of busy, together. And we shared sports. He got a basketball scholarship to USF, and I got a baseball scholarship to Cal Berkeley. 

So I probably never knew him on the inside very well. That concept would have made no sense to me. But reflecting back today, I can presume that he did not have the “untouchables” in his mind that I experienced in mine. My black market placement, being unaware of my lack of blood connection, not being actually adopted until age thirteen, and being lied to my entire life about this whole story, left me with many dragons locked behind closed doors. Off limits was never explicit. It was beyond explicit; after all the judge asked me in court at age thirteen whether I wanted to live with the Andersens or go to a boy’s home. I had a dog to take care of. I got the picture. No dragons here, anybody.

Bob was probably “normal” for dragons. He might have some. I could even guess what they might be. But mine were likely much bigger. Bob pursued the “good life” and became very successful at it. I did not know this until recently; our separation, bereft of mere logistics, had little else to bridge the gap. From inseparable to losing all meaningful contact is sad, but that is how it went. I can now see the reasons why, which produces the issues for this post. 

Bob played four years of college basketball. In his sophomore year he averaged sixteen points per game and was named Catholic All-American (USF, Georgetown, St. Johns, Marquette, St. Louis University, Creighton, etc.) But he had a knee injury in high school and re-injured it that sophomore year. So while he played basketball in his last two years of college, it appears his interests shifted. He became Junior Class president and in his senior year became the University’s student body president. I am impressed, and I had no idea about this until just a few years ago. I knew he was a good athlete, but not that he was also a good politician.

We once hiked seventeen miles together in the foothills behind Stanford but never talked about life and such, or my adoption. Bob is the only person I told about the adoption. I do not remember that he said anything about it at all. Twenty years later, and thereafter in our adult life, if I brought the issue up, I got the definite feeling that he did not want to hear about it. To me, that seems strange for friends. But there are things people do not want to hear about. War is one of them, and apparently families leaving their children on park benches is another. Some things are just not right. How would you feel if a mother bear decided to leave her cubs under a tree? It’s just wrong, isn’t it.? (Run an animal rescue; the stories are not pretty.) 

In high school Bob went steady with several girls. I do not know if that was typical, but it certainly seemed healthy. While I could date pretty much anyone in school—football captain, baseball captain, King of Sadie Hawkins week, and straight A student gives one options—no serious relationships developed. I was empty inside. There was nothing to connect with. All of life for me was pretend, except for ad hoc sports and being with my dog. Genuine was locked behind top secret, and I was not granted access—nor did I challenge that restriction.  

The Andersens purchased me so that Ann Andersen would not kill herself. She had undergone a hysterectomy at age nineteen, they were not approved by the state for adopting (I do not know why), and when they tried to adopt the foster child they took care of for three years, the mother wanted her back. Buying a baby appeared to be a solution to this predicament. When I was searching for my birth family, a source told me I had come from Tennessee. That may or not be true, but if it is, this mess gets more disquieting. Buying babies through the black market is illegal; Georgia Tann’s methods of obtaining children for her Children’s Home were criminal. She had a big profitable business, backed by corrupt government. Georgia obtained children any way she wanted, and was supported by a corrupt judge who would sign anything she put before him. Even kidnaped children were made “legal” with just a signature—they alleged negligence. She took children by fraud and force, not just because the mothers surrendered them. None of the blood relatives in either family of my adoptive parents ever broke rank with Stanley and Ann Andersen’s injunction that I never be told anything about my adoptive history. This was unusually tight control and makes me wonder if Georgia Tann was involved. Perhaps complicity with felony criminal charges could have been a worry. And it would have made a difference to me if I found out my birth mother did not willingly surrender me. The Andersens would not have thereby saved me from an orphanage, as they put it; they would have stolen me. That flag doesn’t fly. 

Bob pursued the “good life”: ocean side property in southern California, sailing the coast, almost a second home on Santa Catalina, the CEO of a large non-profit organization, social and business life with society’s elite, world travel, and a large attractive family. What’s not to like? 

I can view my life as one long effort to come to grips with sand being kicked in my face. That can be seen as a total waste of time. Or it can be viewed as a courageous effort to face truth, on a “Bridge Less Traveled”, meaning essentially different from most of society. That trip continues, it is my trip; and I wish to describe it, believing it to be courageous. 

Bob and I talked recently, in what was perhaps our final conversation. We have made contact in the past few years, likely as a way of saying goodbye to a part of our lives—sort of a summary of how they turned out. It was a different world back then, Studebakers, Kaiser-Frazers (Bob’s father had one), black and white TV, and party telephone lines. Bob and I can reminisce every few years for maybe an hour or so about the old days, but that is it. I called him recently, probably wanting to tell him how thrilled I was to finally feel that I understand the noxious issues of adoption. After all, almost everyone tells the adoptee that the people who care for him or her are the “real” parents. That statement itself points to the problem. Do biological parents go about affirming their genuineness? Should the coach not be worried when the General Manager affirms that he has complete confidence in him? Confidence is generally a given. It needs affirmation only when it is weak. We all know this without having to take a course in logic. Chicken soup, bandage changes, and soccer practice are also considered presumed. What's missing is honest. Quite simply, an adoptive family is not a normal family; nor is it just like a normal family. But normal is not a synonym for good, and real is not a prerogative of biology. An adoptive family is a real family, but a real adoptive family. And real is not a synonym of quality, truth is. Unfortunately, adoptive families paint over the colors with white, white lies if you wish, but none the less toxic. The cover up is always worse than the “crime”. Washington knows this. Police departments know this. Adoption has yet to learn this lesson. Only secrets and lies can make adoptive families unreal. But secrets and lies are emdemic in adoption. 

For me, learning this is the crowning accomplishment of my life. For Bob, I had just wasted my life refusing to think positive. He was disgusted. I have never felt better about myself. This is not fixable. We shall not likely talk again. The door, of course, always remains open for possible dialogue, but one does not draw to an inside straight, or borrow against future lottery earnings. Hope may spring eternal, but one does not bet the ranch on mere hope—it needs a tether to time and space. 

One of the points in this article is that some truth grows slowly. We may find a new element beyond lawrencium, and that will be a fact. But "fact truth" is not "meaning truth". The former we live with; the latter we live by. It becomes a part of our action field. A fact (lawrencium) can occur in an instant—as long as it takes a blip to show on a monitor. But it will be a long time before we make wedding rings out of it because it has to grow into association with objects of purpose or value, in this case love. Facts can be perceived, meanings have to be assembled. If it cannot be perceived, people do not know where to begin. Mind is the perfect example. Aristotle thought it was an abstraction, the guiding principle of life. Descartes thought it was its own substance. Today, the idealists, flirting with quantum physics, postulate mind as spirit. There are two kinds of people dealing with quantum physics: those who do not understand it and are right that they do not, and those who think they understand it, but do not. Probably there is a third group, those who know there is such a thing, but have no idea what it is. That is pretty much how it is with mind. We have been at it for at least two thousand years, and we still do not know whether mind exists in the world, or the world exists in mind. I rest my case. Some things take time to learn. 

I am going to compare mind to adoption. You cannot see either one. That always portends trouble. Neither is perceived; they are conceived. So should I be discouraged that after sixty years I have only recently felt comfortable with my understanding of the experience? Most people would think so; out of mind is not that hard to conceive. Address the issue once, and then let it slowly slip away out of importance. Instead of pondering my consciousness I should have done something useful or fun; there can never be too many Apps or bowling leagues.
It is a second point in this article to attempt to shed some light on problems in adoption. I have learned that nothing slips anywhere. My professional life picked its way ultimately to post-traumatic stress disorder. I did not get into medical school to work with mental problems. I probably would have gone into Internal Medicine, or today into General Practice, rather than into mental health. But I ended up in psychiatry, more specifically with
PTSD, and retired after seeing about 170,000 patient hours in out-patient groups and maybe 300,000 patient hours total.  I am not stupid; I can count. Almost every Vietnam veteran took about twenty years before realizing he had an issue that was not going away. Youth alone can always believe it will outgrow its problems, and a recent trauma can create hypotheses for alleviation that take time to discourage. At twenty, one thinks it will all go away. At forty, he realizes it is time to change approach.
Again, the invisible takes longer to get a leash around it. If you cannot see it, you cannot fix it.
PTSD does not show up on an x-ray. Tuberculosis had been around for millions of years, but only in 1885 was it shown to be contagious. Again, we cannot see bacteria. Today, of course, we are awash in the concept that perception is everything. If you cannot weight it, measure it, count it, you cannot use it. We through away subjective, i.e. what the world feels like looking out, rather than looking in. Empathy, intuition, feeling, hope, will, and wish are all not useable. It is hard enough to understand mind, without leaving out half the data.

We can wonder if the grass needs cutting, but answer that question by looking out the window. Nothing difficult there. What about the agency of mind? Does the mind actually push the bouncing pool balls of time/space? If you do not get this question right, you can spend a life time faking it until you make it. It gets more and more difficult to fake it with years of failure, but someone will always come along with a new push on this old swing. I always knew there was something wrong with me. Throughout early life the lack of correlation between an outside view of me and my inside experience was dramatic. The more lights shining on a particular experience,  the harder I had to press on the doors locked inside of me, and the less attention went to the issue at hand. 

The door used to flop open on me during high school. I had a Sunday clean up job at a grocery store in Los Altos. Los Altos is more picturesque than Menlo Park. It is in the foothills, not down by the bay. I knew of a pretty girl up the street from my house in Menlo Park. She lived above a small store. I presumed her family was not intact. She moved to Los Altos, I knew not how. But there in paradise she became my birth mother transference object. While I never spoke of adoption, and there were things in learning about my history that never clearly reached consciousness, the concept that I came from a broken home took root. A broken home would have been more dramatic than my sterile one. Ours was asphyxiated by the lies. Anything, even bad, would have been better than nothing. When I had finished my work and left for Menlo Park, still estranged, I used to get an extremely unpleasant feeling, perhaps like being buried alive. It was way too conscious. The feeling went away some time that day, and on Monday back in school I would think that perhaps at those times I was losing my mind. Surely this was another issue that I somehow should fix by looking away.

The world at school on Monday bore no resemblance to the horror of the feeling, and I never would have connected it in any way to adoption because that would have been a reach to begin with, but also because my get well plan was to never think of adoption. This is my family, that is not my family; repeat unto infinity. If did not work it was because I apparently was a mental invalid, maybe even a bad seed. As an experience this was a very big deal. As a reality, it was yet another part of me to lock up and lean against. 

This type of experience is one thing to have happen when I was alone, but having a door fly open while giving a speech or pitching a game would have been a disaster. Knowing that, of course, means that in any of those situations you have to think about what you do not want to think about and at that point defeat is assured. An elephant with an X drawn on it is still an elephant. 

I kept the adoption ideas out of consciousness as much as I could, which meant that I would never deliberately think about it, and if somehow it came up, typically in the form of my birthmother, I would threaten myself with “crimes against humanity” for being so selfish as to think about myself when I would hurt my adoptive mother. I, of course, did not know anything about her suicidal ideas when they got me, but intuition never gets completely smothered, and one would have to be brain dead not to pick up on everyone’s concern. This was a complete taboo subject, requiring a top secret family clearance, and punishable at the level treason, espionage, or apostasy. A private world, locked in virtual solitary confinement, does not sponsor a lot of social diplomacy—perhaps like today’s CIA. 

The quest for wholeness continued, as my focus in medicine shifted, I got into psychoanalysis, one of the couch driven five times a week deals, and chose psychiatry as a specialty. It was becoming an obsession and kicking up nothing but a cloud of dust. But everything is not about wanting to kill your father and marry your mother, as Freud insisted. Psychoanalysis was the gold standard of therapy in the 1960s. Today it appears to be a rather sad heap of hypotheses to escape the meaninglessness of materialism. What is the point of discussing wishes if they are nothing more than than the misinterpretion of the push of atoms as personal choice? More directly, if there is no purpose in the universe, then there is no purpose in therapy either. We played word games. It was not me or Sigmund Freud who was going to enact the purpose, we are both, of course, parts of the universe; it would be the conflict-free part of the ego! Call it a hot fudge sundae if you like, but doing so will never bequeath it a purpose. 

I had my “never think about adoption” phase, whereupon the issues were supposed to just drift away. That lasted about thirty years. I must have been in a cosmic air pocket; nothing drifted anywhere, except me. My inner self remained unchanged; psychology offered me nothing. I heard about adoptees searching for their birth parents, which was new in this country, and it gradually drew me into the movement. I knew there was something wrong with me. Outside and the inside did not match, and the inside was impeding optimal performance. Good for me, I knew there was a problem. That is not why I am proud of my quest. I am proud because it ended in new hypotheses with which to address the problem. Something original has been added to the universe. 

Having tried the gold-standard therapy for more years than I care to admit, and having surveyed the rest of the field, I turned to the reunion movement as if the issue was some sort of life trauma. But the reunion movement gets trapped in its own metaphysics also. For them the answer is finding your birth mother and filling the empty space inside with either information or love. You need to know your ancestry, what your father did in the war, or what your mother did at corporate headquarters. Of course you want and need to know the story of your relinquishment, which even if it is biased, might relieve you of some misplaced sense of responsibility. Better, you and your birth family can set up a secondary family to fill in the holes left by the first. Relinquishment is viewed like a vitamin deficiency that can be cured with information or love. 

But information cannot even fill metaphorical holes. So your mother left you because she was too young to care for a child. She still left you, or her parents left you, or the country drafted you to save the planet. Consequences still happen. True they can be given different meanings, even after time, but they cannot be erased. Meaning has no effect on consequences. Consequences do not care. 

I have never seen today's love fill a void from yesterday. And there is another problem. Is your birth mother going to tell you she just did not want the trouble of a new child, or that she had a hot boyfriend with whom she wanted to travel the world? Why would she be more honest than anyone else? We approach here the determining issue of adoption, and it may not be pretty.

The issue that answers for me the noxiousness of adoption is not that one’s mother gave you away. That is like a romance. One gets over it. You cry, you let go, You find another love. And it is not a lack of medical history. Just live a healthy life; what more can you do anyway?  The smoking gun for my insight on adoption, which occurred only six months ago, was the realization that at Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings of the Andersens, until I was age twelve, I was the only one in a room of  twenty people who did not know about my “adoption”. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That is what we swear to in court. With this group I got lies, nothing, or nothing but lies. 

The issue here is truth (and secrets). Truth is what you give to someone who you view as an end in themselves. Lies are what you say to those you view as means. I received nothing but lies, or nothing, and there is little spontaneity in relationships when suppressing important  truths. Conversations become guard duty. Any other time is always a better time. Who wants to tell a child that his mother preferred to give him away? They dress it up in pretty. “She loved you so much she gave you away.” People actually say that!  If it is supposed to be pretty, it is painted in stupid. 

People adopt when the cannot have their own children. Adoptions are not special; they are damage control. There are exceptions, but not many. When people tell you the adoptive parents are real parents, the statement is meaningless out of context. Are they real with respect to to kidney transplants, society, “meeting requirements” (my father’s perspective), legal aspects, or emotional connection? The statement itself is gratuitous in “real” families. It comes out of one’s mouth tagged as a lie. Real speaks for itself. No one questions real parents if they are "real" parents.  My father once told me that he always treated me as if I was his real son. How would it have sounded if I had responded that I always treated him as my real father?

The words of the Andersens said they loved me but their actions spoke otherwise. Feed pretend, demand genuine, and fault me for the difference. I do not care why my mother did not keep me. I do not care what my father did in the war. But I do care that everyone in early life lied to me. I had no blood relatives, and the adoptive relatives excluded me from family business. Not much security there. I asked my father what would have happened to me if they had died before I was adopted (the adoption occurred when I was thirteen). He guessed I would have gone back to the orphanage. Not a lot of wagons to circle there. So emotionally I was essentially alone. But one can adapt; trust dogs, and get your own wagons. The danger here is suppressing one’s intuition and holding on to the lies. Not having a valid family is fixable, but you have to actually fix it. Empty is the price of inaction.  

One loses confidence in his subjectivity when always having to swim against the lies. Social situations are tracked better by common sense than scientific study. You can't dance if you can't hear the music. There is no dance at all without the music. I had to play along with the lies at the expense of my personal sense of truth. Whatever we call this subjective perspective, it is a practiced art. Ignoring it is leaving out all the meaning, feeling, and purpose of your experience; basically, the sound track of your life. Man does not live by facts alone. 

Finally, we do not create feelings out of nothing. They are the experience of our response to events, incipient actions if you will. They are a dance of input combined with output getting ready to go on stage (in the real world). This means that from one point of view, there is more reality in a feeling/idea complex than an idea by itself. Finding your lost dog involves more reality than adding two plus two, or two million plus two million. So feelings, being connected to reality, give us more information than ideas alone. To lose it, subjectivity, is to become a puppet. Dogs have it easy. They carry a lie detector behind them all the time. If they are wagging their tail, they like you. If they are not, they probably do not. (There is a different kind of wag, but you will know it when you see it—and should get out of their way.) Does a dog feel the attraction? Probably. Fortunately for him he can prove it to himself just by checking his tail. I do this for myself now. We all have vestigial tails. I pretend that I can feel my tail, and I ask myself if it is wagging. Yes or no. It will be right almost all the time. We are built to continue living, interfacing with reality helps us do that, and reality has more substance to it than illusion or fantasy. We want to approach reality because there will always be ways to use it for benefit, and we ignore things if they are empty. This is built in, like why puppies will eat biscuits but not leaves.
The point here is that we cannot generate feelings like we generate actions. Feelings are signs, they are not creations You can do what you will, but not will what you will. You motivate a football team by getting rid of those who are not motivated. Purpose is contingent on feelings. You can act interested as long as you want, but it will never make you interested. Purpose is not habit. It is instinct, ultimately, trying to stay alive. The Andersens fed me leaves and wanted me to wag my tail as though they were biscuits. And they faulted me for failing. Lets get this right here. We do not create feelings. They are the result of reality touching us from outside and stimulating in us the possibility of an action that will increase our ability to survive. Pure and simple. (Or at least as simple as we can make it.) 

Dishonesty kills relationships, suppresses intuition, wastes creativity, fosters apathy, and keeps us from reality. If reality is a conversation with God, then lying challenges our entire existence. Violence may be more dramatic, but is more obvious and can be more easily avoided. Dishonesty is a stealth scourge, perhaps mankind's most dangerous. While it may not have killed as many people as violence, it likely has destroyed more relationships. Fortunately for dogs, they do not have to deal with it.  

What I hate most of my adoption is that they gave me pretend and expected genuine in return. We do not create something out of nothing. We create it out of reality. Lies are not reality. 

Consequences require action. PTSD is an insult waiting for a response. Open the door and have a response for the dragon and it can no longer ambush you. It does not fix the past, but it clears a path for the future. You are more free to pursue your purpose, but more restricted in what that purpose can be. If Bob feels I have wasted my life by not looking away from events, and I feel as though finding the toxic element in adoption is my crowning accomplishment, then game over. I am going to have to learn that I cannot fix everything by imaging myself master of my mind. 

People in my childhood would have been happy if I threw away intuition and painted my mind as though idea was feeling. And Bob would have been happy if I could have createded candy and nuts out of ifs and buts. But we cannot manufacture love and would lose purpose in the effort. So my choice today is keep the purpose and cut relationships, or fake a purpose until it somehow becomes real. The problem is that my purpose is on the bridge less traveled,  which means that most people and I will have little in common. Bob and I at this point have no basis for a relationship. He does not want to read my book, and I do not want to sail to Catalina. He has been very successful in his career. I am impressed. But he thinks I have wasted my time. We have had our day together; it is past. In writing this article I see that we were never all that close together. Mainly it was that we just lived two blocks apart. Close means caring for each other as ends. It at least means taking a look at your best friend’s book. Bob will never read my book. I will never go to Catalina. It is not even sad that we are no longer friends. It is only sad that we are no longer young. We were in the same town, but not on the same side. 

Play the dirge. I am okay with that. The consequences have been addressed, which largely is seeing the world unlike most other beings. But the other side of alone is adventure. Not swimming with the other fishes is where creativity happens. 

As far as PTSD goes, the veterans returning from the middle east are all going to face these problems. They will hope everything just goes away, while it does not. That takes time. I am guessing twenty years. And then fixing it requires finding new relationships to replace almost all of those you left when you went overseas
—yet another reason to put it off. This entails a lot of hard work. I would never want to go through all the work again to fix the issues; but also would never want to go back after having arrived at a place with purpose, truth, and maybe even conversation with God.

This is all based on metaphysics. Bob and I lived in the same town, but he wore blue and I wore gray. Here are the sides: Idealism versus Materialism. 

1. Idealism (which is not about ideals, but rather ideas) says that matter is created by spirit —i.e. consciousness is the absolute. They point to the fact that a causal sequence cannot start itself. It has to come from somewhere, and that would be spirit. And it implies that there is a God and that immortality is possible. 

2. Materialism says that ideas derive from matter. Matter is the absolute, spirit and mental are just abstractions or functions. The corollaries are that there is no God, there is no purpose or meaning, and death is final. 

These differences produce different people. Humanity becomes the religion of the materialists, and they focus on today more than tomorrow. Power measures success, and velocity and motion measures power. Meaning is whatever power says it is. The world is static except for the echoes of the one cause that started it. The clock is running. And though this is awkward for them, all of our sense of purpose is merely an illusion, because the world is causal and cause is not conscious. The danger is a lot of action signifying nothing.  

Idealists have a God, they presume a purpose in the world, they do not think death must be final, and they look more to the future in what they perceive as an unfinished world, in which it becomes their purpose to create and improve. We are seen as partners with God in an ever improving world based on love, defined as finding value and preserving it. Take your time, do it right, add your part.  The danger is a lot of nothing, simulating action. 

We can grasp the abstract concepts, which seem to carry their weight in logic. It is a bit harder to come down out of the clouds and see how this shows up on planet Earth. But it is not that hard. All of us can sense the shades of this dichotomy—Atticus Finch and Gordon Gekko offer poetic examples of these people, and compassion at the expense of efficiency versus efficiency at the expense of compassion suffices for the abstraction. But neither position works without the other. Compassion is a component of efficiency. 

The bottom line, at the end of this train of thought, is that we come to realize that truth and God could be related. And if they are, then lies get between us and God. Nothing can be more destructive to us than that, perhaps not even death itself. 


Metaphysics Primer

We need a seismic shift in our view of the world if we are going to survive. Metaphysics is not a plaything for intellectuals unable to walk in the rain; it is ground zero in the attempt to establish truth about the nature of the universe. I call it our Los Alamos Project, intended to establish the basis of mind. 

We cannot build a structure without knowing the materials we build with. Mental bricks can be used to design a building, but not to live in one. Ideas do most of their work in the future, not in the present. 

People simply do not consider metaphysics today. We live in a world of “science”, which is built upon perception. If you cannot see it, hear it, touch it, etc. you can ignore it. This position was a reaction to imagination run wild. When angels, arks, gods, and celestial harps began to crowd each other out, we needed some method to separate real from imaginary. Evidence-based data became the tool, i.e. it gets to us through a sense organ, not simply from imagination. Science was born, God was dethroned, and materialism promised a path to immortality by studying cause and effect. Today that immortality lives in cryonics and DNA analysis. We just have to find out which gene causes our senescence, and turn it over to Monsanto. 

In our quest for the holy grail we threw away spirit. Spirit carried the day throughout all of mankind’s history, until the renaissance. Since then materialism, the concept that all of the universe is made out of matter, has prevailed. Everything is made out of atoms, quarks, muons, electrons, force fields, or warped-space strings. The smallest or primary substance becomes the absolute.  Whatever that is, it lives in time and space, i.e. sequence and distance. 

Spirit, when we considered it, could live in a different realm, although we have a pressing tendency to reduce that to time and space. Hence God could live in some far away galaxy, or we might conceive him as being everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Ideas, like spirits, appear to live outside of space and time. One can imagine crossing the universe ten times as quickly crossing it once.  Materialism, however, cannot allow such travel, because ideas are built out of things. It is one world, in one space, following one time, and containing nothing but (metaphorically speaking) bouncing billiard balls, and billiard ball ideas. 

That view, maintained by materialists and scientists, creates a world that leaves several major problems:

1. A causal system says that everything that happens today is caused by whatever happened yesterday. Cause begets cause, and so on infinitely. The problem here is that the system can never get started. If it all started with the Big Bang, then what caused the big bang, etc. There is no ultimate answer, and therefore people simply look away. We should be able to make sense out of the basic step in our fundamental theory!

2. The second problem is that there can be no purpose in the universe. Basically, everything is pushed from behind. No pool ball can strive to go into one pocket rather than another. Guided missiles can be programmed to self adjust to a target, but they do not want to go there, care if they miss, or worry about the morality of the mission. We can simulate behavior as viewed from the outside, but not experience as lived from the inside. Feeling, value, meaning, and purpose are all missing—the very things that matter in life. To science we are simply complex reflex arcs. 

3. There is no consciousness, nor any meaning or values. There is no explanation for anything, because an explanation is an attempt to assign meaning to an experience. But the attempt to assign meaning entails purpose, to which the universe is not privy. Even the scientist's statement that there is no purpose defeats itself, because that statement carries no truth if it was determined solely by random chance. Truth has to be sought. Chance entails no intent. 

4. The supernatural does not exist, which also entails no other spaces or times , although mentally we can conceive of other spaces and times, and non-Euclidian geometry can work with other spaces. There are no miracles or supernatural beings. All is some sort of energy exchange, going nowhere, meaning nothing, and aware of nothing.  The only consciousness, if it exists at all, would belong to human beings. When will we stop seeing ourselves as the center of the universe?

Causality makes for a neat theory, but no one in the world is going to throw away his or her sense that he or she acts purposefully. Science, after four hundred years, is beginning to step on its own tail. It makes a mockery out of experience. It substitutes humanity for a higher being. Intuition gets trampled by perception. Purpose is consigned to consumption. And when the sun cools everything will disappear as though it never happened, or maybe because it never did happen. Who or what would be around to tell the difference? 

If it all means nothing, then living for spot pleasures makes some sense. The problem is that spot pleasures are not sustaining. Johnny Manziel parties in Las Vegas because he wants to “live life to the fullest”. What is the fullest about Las Vegas?  In a causal world, perhaps one should grab for everything; nothing means anything anyway, so distraction might be the best approach. But spot pleasures just breed more spot pleasures and all end up at the same place—not being enough. If there is purpose in the universe then finding one's place in it would seem to be important. If it makes sense to find our purpose and do it, then Las Vegas gets in the way. It is hard to believe that the most important thing to do on this planet is to have fun. That appears to be the refuge of the ignorant. 

Purpose or fun, there are problems either way. Too many parties becomes boring, too difficult a purpose entails pain. The existential dilemma is that satisfaction is probably proportional to the difficulties involved in overcoming resistance. Our sense of well being is contingent on our perception of our tenacity. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Looking at the possibilities for our metaphysics we have three, maybe four, options: 

1. Dualism,  the dominant position today, says there are mental and physical substances, and they interact with each other both ways. 

2. Materialistic monism believes that everything is constructed from little somethings bouncing off each other. This is science. There is no place for purpose and no place for God. 
3. We can have a triadism of mental, physical, and spiritual. Spiritual enters as a fundamental component, irreducible to something physical. It entails consciousness and will. Mental is the design department (perhaps reducible to physical), physical the factory, and spirit the artist. Mental and physical involves the how, when and where; spiritual involves why and what. In this position we bring back something like a soul, however, we are not so quick to abdicate it to a supposed superior authority. Once we admit spirit, it is hard to believe there not is a higher one. We have creative capacities, but only when supplied with the materials. God apparently creates the materials, including us. We live on delegated authority. 

4. We might have options not yet considered. 

There appears to be a dualism, but of physical and spiritual, not physical and mental. We postulate spiritual (consciousness) as a fundamental entity in the world, akin to gravity and electromagnetism. Human beings would thus be part spirit and part body. This is not just wishful thinking. Quantum mechanics backs us up. We must construct a new theory. It is frightening how little psychology has  progressed in the past three hundred years. We just throw up ideas against the wall  and hope they stick. Cognitive theory leaves out everything that is not abstract, i.e., anything we call real. Imaginary pies do not a Thanksgiving make. Imaginary pies do not even a diet make.

Is there anyone out there who believes sensitivity training is going to do anything other than give a reprieve to the offender, or that anger management does anything except meet requirements for those wanting an option other than incarceration? There is no energy in these programs, only ideas. Change requires feelings, not just thought. But these programs are cheap, and favored by government. Also, materialism has its agents to disparage belief in a higher power. There are people who profit from usurping God. 

My point here is to question why we have so quickly thrown away spiritualism? Real men today are supposed to just suck it up and make way for the next generation. It is not working. Without a God there is no purpose in the world. Human beings are not exempt from that restriction. The sun will cool and the whole human endeavor will disappear, to have meant nothing, and to never have been noticed. And we embrace this program for what reason?

When one bothers to think about these things, it is far less simple than we assume. Humanity at this point seems to have no workable model for mind. Actually, we have gotten nowhere in two thousand years. People do not know this because they believe what they are told, but that is simply turning your life over to our handlers. That would be the Federal Reserve, a private corporation which is committing the biggest fraud ever perpetrated in history. It will take down much of the world when it fails. These counterfeiters profit from materialism because it separates the individual from truth, which turns men into sheep. Without a God we are simply going to end up in a war for supplies. Production will collapse. This cannot end well. 

Pressure is applied to comply with materialism, although certainly not to the extent that other countries have turned to that approach; the Soviets gutted their country of religion, and the Third Reich was Germany uber alles. But coercion is not the only issue. The other issue is the inherent difficulty in understanding what we are. Our mind is set up to gaze outward, not inward. We grasp the inside better through intuition than perception; but we are all scientists today, not mystics. So we discount intuition. My intuition, for exam;ple, suggests there is a higher power. I cannot see anyone surviving without one, and I do not view this approach as merely defaulting to wishful thinking. Feelings are thoughts connected to reallity. Intuition should count more than perception, not less. Are we once again raising a dust and then complaining we cannot see? And if God is spirit, then part of us would have to spirit to understand him. We cannot see spirit, but we can certainly feel it. Perhaps that is Godspeak. Why would He speak English (or your language of choice)? Perhaps we should learn His language.

There are ways to add reason to faith. We simply have to do that. Faith alone is too tenuous. Our intellect is there for a reason. 

The course we are on now will blow up. Adding intuition to perception is a start. We need a higher power, and we need to connect to that higher power, although not through paid intermediaries, but as individuals. This is ground zero in a survival plan. Quantum mechanics suggests new metaphors for new psychologies, and metaphysics is not simply a way to avoid getting into the fray; metaphysics is the fray. If there is no purpose in the world, then eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. But if there is a purpose, then we likely play a part in it, and if that is true, I certainly do not want to be spending my time sitting next to a pool in Las Vegas. If purpose and pleasure are our options, don’t bet on pleasure. Even in Vegas.  

A Local Story

Michael Sam has been presenting himself as “football only” since the draft, and it is hard to see what Oprah has to do with football. She would appear to be a conflict of interest. Also, Sam says he wants to be great. Well, we all want to be great, but there are limits. Throwing harder was never going to turn my 75 mph fastball into a 95 mph one. Impossible goals are the worst kind to have, except for having none at all.

But it might not be a good thing for Sam to stare at football for three straight months, and he should probably aim at being the best he can be, rather than aiming at great. Ideas are cheap; they can cause us to over reach. And poise works better under pressure than adding more pressure. Trying to hit home runs just chases them away. 

Oprah might offer the balance Sam needs. Time away from the game should be useful, even when football is the priority. Football is not everything, nor is it, as Lombardi said, the only thing. People actually do things between Superbowls. Life goes on. And it has a rhythm: day and night, wake and sleep, active and passive, focus and forgetting. We do not want to lose track of the big picture. Too much focus leaves too little meaning, which leaves too little purpose.
Also, if Sam does not do the documentary, he will simply be distracted because he did not do it. The Oprah issue remains either way. People can never simply not think about something. One has to remember what not to think about, which involves remembering it. We get away from things, like football, by turning to other things we care about, not by pretending to not think about what we are trying to forget. Oprah is a totally different experience, perhaps the perfect escape from two-a -day drills, and running into offensive linemen. Sam faces a unique situation with this documentary, no matter what he does, and it probably requires a unique response. 

I think the Oprah show would, on balance, facilitate Sam’s chance of making the team. We can try too hard. Things can mean too much. Pro football might be the perfect example of that. There is life independent of the Lombardi trophy. There was even for Coach Lombardi. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing.